Oh Mother

Hello everyone. 

Sorry for the late update. I have found myself busy getting time for myself again these days. I've been pretty busy with #ProjectAwesome2012 - just a little community project that I worked out with a few friends in Twitter and Facebook. Check them out here:

#ProjectAwesome2012 Official Twitter

#ProjectAwesome2012 Official Facebook

#ProjectAwesome2012 Official Blog

So far the project has been very great. Very little did I expect that the project will grow this big. We now have a few celebrities who submitted their photos to us and showed their supports for the project. Around 500 photos have been collected so far, not to mention 500+ followers in Twitter and 600+ likes in Facebook. 

Well at least I have something to be busy with. 

On other note, I have been invited to submit two conference papers for the International Conference on Production, Energy and Reliability (ICPER) under the Renewable Energy column, in which my supervisor and I submitted three papers instead. It will be held on 12th to 14 June 2012 in KL Convention Center. Well, I guess I'll see you guys there.

I went back to KL yesterday.

Apparently my mother was down with a high fever for more than a week, in which she successfully hid it from me until I called her yesterday evening, where she can no longer fake her cheerful laughter. She sounded so weak, so I slammed on the gas and drove all the way back to hometown. I was worried, very. 

The first thing she did was hugging me tightly. And then she broke down.

I understood instantly why exactly she did that. First, she missed me. Secondly, she was depressed. She was pale and very weak, mostly due to the fact that she has been losing appetite lately. So I drove her to Ampang Puteri Hospital very late last night and accompanied her there as she went through the standard diagnosis procedure, including a bloodwork. 

As we speak, she is now recovering and is under a 48-hour observation period for any following disorder. I stayed with her all night long, encouraging her to eat more and be healthy again. Before I left home for UTP again this morning, she hugged me tightly again and thanked me for coming back, even only for a short while. Then she told me this;

"I'm sad that you have to go through all these alone by yourself. I wish you will find you other half soon, in case I won't be around any longer to take care of you."

Oh mother. 

Update: Project Awesome

Ah, alright.

Project Awesome is now handled with a couple of guys through a blog and twitter account. Here there are:

Project Awesome 2012 Blog

Project Awesome 2012 Twitter

Let's make this a happening one, people!

Project Awesome 2012

Project Awesome!

Hello everyone :D

Okay. A quick update. I was thinking about making a large collage of pictures of people holding up a piece of paper in which written on it "I'm Awesome!". So I asked my followers in Twitter and some of them gave positive answers. So I'm just gonna jot down some details about it here and let's make it real this time! :D

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Project Awesome! - What is it? / Apa Itu Project Awesome?

Project Awesome! is a project where I will collect photos of people holding a piece of paper with "I'm Awesome!" written on it and turn them into a large collage. The collage will be posted here in the blog. 

Project Awesome adalah satu projek di mana gambar-gambar peserta projek ini akan dikumpulkan menjadi satu kolaj besar dan akan dipaparkan di blog ini. Peserta haruslah memegang sehelai kertas yang tertulis "I'm Awesome!" di atasnya.

Awesome! Why 'Project Awesome!'? / Kenapa Project Awesome?

Project Awesome is designated for unity and self esteem. We always look at other people and wish we could be them and in the same time it was our own self that we keep forgetting. We forget that we are awesome in our own way, never mind what other people say. So why not we make a still memory out of it? Why not be confident in ourselves and shout it out loud, "I'm Awesome!"?

Project Awesome adalah untuk perpaduan dan menambahkan rasa keyakinan diri. Kita selalu melihat kepada orang lain dan berharap agar kita menjadi seperti mereka, dan tanpa kita sedari kita telah melupakan diri kita sendiri. Kita lupa yang kita juga Awesome dalam gaya dan cara kita sendiri tanpa. Tak kisahlah apa pun orang kata kan? Jadi mengapa tidak kita yakin pada diri sendiri dan kata pada mereka, "I'm Awesome!"?

Sure! Who Can Participate? / Cantik! Siapa Boleh Masuk?

ALL OF YOU! This project is profit free and my intention is to collect as many photos as possible and form them into a collage in which I will show to the world that these people are the ones who know just how awesome they are. Anybody with a camera and internet connection can participate :D

SEMUA PUN BOLEH! Projek ini adalah percuma dan bukan untuk wang ringgit. Tujuannya adalah untuk mengumpulkan seberapa banyak gambar untuk kita tunjukkan kepada dunia mereka-mereka yang yakin kepada diri sendiri dan percaya kepada harga diri masing-masing dan berani berkata kepada dunia, "I'm Awesome!". Asalkan ada kamera dan liputan internet, anda layak!

Alright! So What Do We Do? / Terbaik! So Apa Nak Buat Ni?

Simple! First, write "I'm Awesome!" on a piece of paper, take a picture of yourself and send it to me! You can either:- 

1. Email me at nazmizaidi [at] yahoo [dot] com
2. Twitpic them and mention me, @M_Jacksparrow in Twitter
3. Tag me in your picture in Facebook

 Take the best picture you can! Be creative! Be decorative! Be happy! Be awesome! This is the best thing - You can send me as many pictures as you want! 

Senang saja! Tulis "I'm Aweesome!" atas kertas kosong, pegang dan ambil gambar sendiri, dan hantar pada saya! Cara menghantar adalah melalui salah satu cara berikut: 

1. Emel ke nazmizaidi [at] yahoo [dot] com
2. Twitpic dan mensi nama saya, @M_Jacksparrow di Twitter
3. Tag saya pada gambar tersebut di Facebook 

Ambil gambar secantik dan sekreatif mana yang anda mau! Tunjuk yang anda sememangnya awesome! Dan ada lagi - anda boleh hantar seberapa banyak gambar yang anda suka!

Seriously Awesome, Bro! Any Rules? / Gila terbaik bro. Ada syarat tak?

Of course! In order to make this game a fun and clean one, there has to be some rules. The rules are:

1. The pic has to be from head to waist so that your face will be visibly clear in the collage. Don't be shy!

2. Make sure the writing is visible too! Refer to the pic below!

3. As long as there are (a) your face and (b) an A4/A3 size paper with "I'm Awesome" on it, you're up for the game!

4. You HAVE to let others know too! More participants, the better!

5. The pics have to reach me BEFORE 12.00am on 1st of February 2012.  Then onward, I can start making the collage! :D

Mestilah! Untuk menjamin kebaikan projek ini, kenalah ada syarat sedikit! Syarat-syaratnya:


1. Gambar mestilah dari kepala ke pinggang. Jangan mengada-ngada nak malu. Kata awesome kan?
2. Pastikan tulisan "I'm Awesome!" adalah jelas. Lihat contoh gambar di bawah.
3. Asalkan ada (2) muka anda dan (b) kertas bersaiz A4/A3 bertulis "I'm Awesome!", anda layak masuk!
4. Anda KENA bagitau orang lain! Lagi ramai, lagi bagus!
5. Gambar anda perlu sampai pada saya SEBELUM 12.00am 1hb Februari 2012. Lepas tu saya dah nak cantumkan jadi kolaj! :D

Thanks people! Let's make this one an awesome one!

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Template: I'm Awesome!

What An Awesome Gift

6.15pm today.

The phone was ringing. I picked it up, and before I could even say anything, I heard her voice speaking through the tiny HTC:

"Get ready. I'll be there in twenty minutes time."

Then the call was ended. 

Holy crap she's here. 

* * *

Meet Hazirah, mid twenties, 170cm tall, never said anything about weight though, fit young lady, hotness level four-over-five. And this is how she looks like:

 [Photo was removed because she had me at the end of a knife, saying 

"it's either the photo goes, or you do."] 

The one in red, of course. She's single by the way. 

She came to UTP to hand me a piece of cake and a birthday gift. But only the birthday present was given this day because she ATE my cake because she was hungry on the way here. How very lovely, that act was. I felt loved instantly. 

Nevertheless, this was what she brought me:

An artificial silk necktie from Polo Haus; a combination of three colors with almost suede-like finish on top. Freaking awesome. Feels so smooth and silky. 

Doesn't wrinkle much, fits like a <s>condom</s> glove. I have to admit that I love this one very much. Well this gift made my day alright! Thanks Hazirah! 

p/s: I feel so loved. 

Long Live The Sparrows

*Based on tweets received as per 1300 hour, 21st January 2012*

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Thank you very much for all the wishes.

Long live the sparrows.

Coke and Cigar

This, of course, is another auto-published entry.

At the time this entry is open to public, which as per the time this is written it is scheduled to be published precisely at 12.00am on January the twenty-first, which would be the day I will be celebrating my twenty-seventh birthday, I may not be in front of the computer by now, for I will be doing any of the following:

1. Having a chilled can of Coke and a tube cigar on the pool chair by the swimming pool with Le Roomie at the Clearwater Sanctuary Golf Resort, Batu Gajah, overlooking the clubhouse lake and the open night sky;

2. Having a chilled can of Coke and a tube cigar while lying next to a bonfire with Le Roomie on the sandy beach of Marina Bay, Lumut, overlooking the wide ocean and the open night sky;

3. Having a chilled can of Coke and a tube of cigar while sitting on the old, wooden bench with Le Roomie at the far end of the platform of the majestic Ipoh Railway Station, overlooking the parked and passing night trains and the open night sky;

4. Having a chilled can of Coke and a tube of cigar in the car with Le Roomie while listening to nice songs while traveling light towards unknown destination, overlooking the empty plains and forests at each side and the open night sky; or,

5. Having a chilled can of Coke and a tube of cigar on my chair in my office at the corner of the huge and dark laboratory with my feet on the table like a boss, all by myself, overlooking the entire laboratory floor and, through the window, the open night sky.

Most likely, if Le Roomie is going out with his wonderful girl again tonight, I will be doing number 5. 

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May I be a better man with better life this year, maybe a good wife and a bright future. Thanks in advance to all who are wishing me on my birthday, I appreciate all of them. May all my wishes and yours come true, and godspeed to all of us. May I be able to laugh and smile again, may my life be free from anymore pain. 

Happy birthday, Jack. Cheers, damnit, cheers to that!

p/s: to me, you're the sweetest ever. Thanks for the call. I love you.

Tomorrow

So tomorrow's my birthday. 

27 years old this year. 

Of course, just like most people, on the last day of the year before your age changes again, you get this mixed emotions in your head. Pretty emotional moment this is, if you ask me. So many things happened when I was, and still am, 26 years old. So many great achievements, yet so many heavy losses. And as we speak, it is 12.32am in the morning and since Le Roomie is currently out again with his babe, I am all by myself now, having a cup of coffee and a bit of pipe smoking, doing some bits of reminiscing. 

If the plan went out as anticipated, tomorrow I should be engaged, and with all luck, married. 

But of course, the plan didn't go the way many people and I anticipated. I cough up a little when it comes to this wedding issue actually, and that's the way I would want to put it. A bit of disappointment and a bit of relief. I don't know how exactly I feel about the whole event at this time. Not sure if things are getting better, or I just get used to it already. But in general it is somehow affecting me deep inside. 

I, too, do not expect much for my birthday tomorrow.

I never had any birthday party thrown for me. Of course, there were some very good people other than my own parents who bought me things, particularly my exes. I used to get a Tamiya plastic model from one ex for my birthday, and I liked it very much. Another ex bought me a pack of Costa Rican coffee and a slice of cheesecake with a candle on it, and I liked that too. And another ex bought me a Sony digital picture frame for my birthday, and I liked that one as well. Of course, all these happened when I was in relationship with each of them, and now that I find myself single again, all I could say is that, "oh well".

Well, it's alright really. 

Perhaps being 27 tomorrow will bring me hell of a luck. May my life be blessed with prosperity and wealth and love and health. May I be a successful man this year around too. Maybe there is light at the end of the tunnel. Eventually I'm gonna reach there one day. Maybe the light reach me first, I don't know. I just hope that things will be alright soon. The turmoil will soon fade away, leaving me in total serenity. Perhaps hope is a big word. Maybe I shouldn't hope at all. Maybe I'll appreciate things that way. Maybe I won't get hurt again. Maybe, I really don't know. Maybe I should just hope for tomorrow never come.

Thanks to all who wished me today. 

I love you all.  

Burning

In myself, there is hell. 

Hell.

In there my anger burns. Along with my disappointments, my frustrations, my despair, my sadness and my sorrows. My love, my hatred; mixed. Every day they burn in sky-grabbing fire, hot like always. Char after char of disappointment fuel the soaring flames. Broken dreams and shattered hopes remain witnesses. Ashes of never tomorrows laid upon the barren soil of my deserted plains of extreme emptiness. 

Slowly it consumes me from within, turning me into one cold bastard that cares less about everything. About the suffering of others. About the love of others. About the existence of others, and as well, the totality of others too. 

There were times when the fire burnt so intensely that some of the heat broke loose. 

When that happened, I saw myself being somebody else. At rage. Extreme amount of energy came bursting out from inside. I became awfully quiet. Surrounded in silence. My rational dissipated in my own fiery emotions. And when that happened, especially these days, I had to channel the energy out to keep my sanity in check. 

I had to drain the energy out before the monster in me gets unleashed. 

So I ran. I went to the gym and started lifting weights. Pulling, pushing, punching, kicking. Bucketful of sweats remains a friend. Endless bandages and menthol creams for injured tendons and torn muscles. At times I physically bleed from all the accidents I got. My body was in pain, but I couldn't stop, I pushed over the limits. I pushed till it hurt, and I pushed it till it hurt no more. 

The fire in me, it may never cease. 

I ran till I drop. I lifted weights till I couldn't feel my fingers. Numb. Blue spots around my flesh. Even brushing my teeth in the morning was too painful. Every time I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw some other cuts and bruises appearing. Another swollen joint. Another pain to bear with. And I saw my eyes. They were once shining. What happened? My lips, why aren't they smiling no more? And I felt it. I felt my anger burning again, deep inside me. I felt my lips trembling. I felt my face heating up. 

The monster was back again. 

So I put on my running attire, and I ran again. 

And the hell in me, they keep on burning. 

Le Adventures of Despair