Sunday, May 14, 2006

Laskar Cinta

What is love, actually?

I have fell in love with many women; some of them were the petite ones, some of them were the average. And all these times i was just tested with my gifted abilities: my words and my charm.

But still im a disaster with women around me.

Past experiences taught me to be very careful. One single mistake and that's it, Im gonna be gone for good. I always keep that thought in mind, only that I've forgot about it few days back. Im not sure how i would love to describe about it here, but i better put it this way: It was a total disaster.

To fall in love is one thing. To kill it without mercy is another, but both bring the same perspective and complexions: hurtful.

So, what's the story like, this time? Meet a girl, get to know her, fall in love, get rejected in the end? Some sort. Well, what else? Same plot, same episode, same prologue and epilogue.

Lets talk about this lady. She came into my life a few weeks back. One of a writer I was back then and still, I write to make people know and feel of what I know and I feel. I write in many sites, and she happened to drop into one and start following my writings. Just another reader of mine, i guess.

We did meet though. Just an average girl physically, actually. But it wasn't her physical that I am interested most, it was the perplexion of beauty that she actually emits from her inner heart. Kindness, love, admiration, bitter and sweet blends together to create a woman like her. And so this boy was hooked up with another episode of life journey, in search for the right one, with one hell of a lady he calls her 'Angel'.

Sinful. How I wish to have this lady in my life. Her hazel choc eyes made me trembling whenever she digs inside black jet mine. With her i feel pleasure. I feel rejoice. I feel love. I feel complete.

Yes. I fall for her this time. Nice trap anyway.

But whatever. I still dont have the balls to actually confess, quite literally. It's hard you know, really. I wanna keep her around without telling her my feelings, coz i know exactly what will happen if i make a confession.

Things wont be the same again after that, i surely aware of this.

So what should i do? Im trapped in my own plan. Confused. Fifty-fifty outcome. Good or bad, i dont know. Higher chances that i might be rejected as always, and I just knew it. But how long will this relationship lasts if i dont make the first attempt? Or shouldnt I?

Will she ever get tired of me? Get bored? Well of course. She is now, i guess.

I somehow, idiotically, made her mad at me just now. I dunno. Im just plain stupid i guess. No, I am one actually. I dont know how to show love. I dont know how to assure her. In the end im like other losers, miserable and helpless.

I've contacted her, but she didnt reply. I guess this is it, maybe. Im just so sorry of what i've done. I didnt mean it. I was just missing you as always, it hurt me a lot just to think of you whenever ur not around. Im so sorry.

Still i miss her now.

"Make my day, dear"


Im just an idiot.


Hani said...

jeles? as usual, i am. =p

however jack, ever heard of sincerity?

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

sincerity? What sincerity?