Monday, May 15, 2006

Love? My ass.

It rains again today.

Heavy drops of water from the sky bring me life once again. The chilly feeling as the flow runs between my hair refreshes everything inside my mind. I just wanna get the hell out from this ring of intellectuals, the ring of the human gods of engineering. I can't go on like this anymore; or else I'd be killed by the uprising pressure building between my shoulder sooner or later on.

Life in Robocon is kinda tough these days, especially when I need to involve in academic activities while in the same time fabricating the prototype of the robots as well. All of my fellow mates have been working damn hard these days and somehow i must say that the spirit is still strong and the surprise factor is still at stake at the maximum level. They just dont know how to give up. Days to days we combine power and strength to overcome the difficulties we face all along the way, together as a team.

But somehow it rains today.

As i lock the doors of the massive laboratory building formerly known as Block N, i can hear the tapping sounds from the extensive fibreglass roof above me, giving me signs that the gift from the sky has come to bring tears and joy to the earthlings. Once all doors are locked, i went to the parking space near the test room where i parked my car earlier just before the rain gets heavy. I throw my mobile and my keys inside the car, and with a small glance to the sky i can see sparkles of pearls shooting at me at free fall velocity. And that is when i really feel free and joyful as those liquid pearls hit me everywhere.

I am rejoiced.

Two hands up as the rain gets heavier. Face up to the sky and smiles are curved between my weak lips. A small sigh of joy comes out slowly from my dry throat, a sign to show how grateful I am to Lord for His gift today. Let free of all the miseries. Let free of all the sadness. Let go of all the loneliness and sorrow, since today I am surrounded by thousands of 'life particles' that heal everything that is on their path to earth. I grin with my eyes closed tightly and i feel like a free man once again.

Thank you Lord, thank you.

A man like me is treated differently for being different than others, I am one of the minorities who receive sceptical looks from people who think they are more superior by having tons of complex humans around them. People who think they are smart enough by having lots of friends who end up being useless to them. Yes, i might have friends that i can count using my own fingers and toes, but these friends whom i keep for life are the best among everyones. The people who stick with me no matter what. The friends that i have are the ones whom i trust and i care all along, together with their respects and brothership. Probably some of few who know me by my full name.

It's kinda funny to hear how some people ended up creating stories about me. They looked at me, make simple (when i say simple, i am referring to infant level thinking ability, which is idiocy) judgment and start to create turbulence in my life. They talk about what i wear, about the car i drive, the way i talk, the way i behave and what i do everyday. As if I am a rock star or something, you know. I dont really get it why, but it's not those criterias that matter most; except me as a human being. That is why when i say, "He is my friend," I mean it, since that a friend have nothing towards you; not the clothes, the car, the perfume, not even everything.

If you don't like my Bolzano, then maybe you can come out with something better, or can't you? Together it goes to my Nike or anything. Back in my hometown, nobody gives a damn about what you wear or what you drive; they're just too busy to get along with those small details. But in here, it is different. People are busy finding one's flaw to laugh or play about.

Well..sometimes people are so miserable that they actually start to make other people lives become miserable as well.

The only reason why I am still awake at this hour is just that something came across my mind just now. Something that i have considered to be quite worth thinking of.

Sometimes it is quite hard for us to look at someones' success, while us keep on losing opportunities. We may blame it on luck though, but till when can we stand the luck-to-be-blamed thingy until we finally realize that we are actually the only reason why luck can never be on our side? This time, as usual, we take one small glance at losing a partner in love.

So, what's so hard about girls?

Oh yes, girls are complicated these days. Especially when we start to have Benz and Beemers on our roads, styling clothes and many other expensive yet so complicated things that breed in such a great way they mutanized themselves twice their numbers each day. All around we can see great men in big cars, big houses and nice Bolzano suits with of course, a beauty who always be on their sides each time. We can say that rich bastards always win everything, but why? Is that about the charm, or everlasting love they can provide, their success or just about the money?

And so it happens that one might have just lost their loved ones to the one who drive a Benzie or Beemers, and the way this poor man takes it is always disastrous. Not to say that being materialistic is an offence, but there must be a reason why the girl leaves the man who loves her so much, practically.

Say, who will choose a man without a future over something we call love? Love is not that godlike these days, since money is more important than to get a happy life.

Losing a partner over this kind of hectic situation sometimes create small turbulence in life. Bereavement is among the most difficult experiences one can undergo; a welter of emotion once he loses a partner can be overwhelming, including despair, confusion, sadness, guilt, disbelief and anger as well as pain at the loss. Might one wonder how to carry on with life, with emotional rug be pulled out from under you, leaving the helpless you wondering how to go on.

Aside from day to day practicalities, you will also have to deal with the most significant long-term period effect of losing a partner - loneliness. Isolations might can just put you into troubles, especially when you start to sit on your bed thinking what the hell had happened to my life? There comes the beauty of thinking; the more you think, the more you start to act differently, come to a point where you emotional thought takes over everything while your rationalities sink slowly beneath the cracks of your broken heart. Then, that is when one might just awake the sleeping giant inside and run amok, over something that we call love.

Funny, isn't it, to see how love can lead to hatred and destructions. So, why love?

Some says that love is just a feeling. How sure you are about that? Is it just plain old feeling, or it starts to acimilate with great power one can posses, the filthy wealth than can buy the world, and the outstanding physical appearances of a man who make everyone falls in love with him? Now think again, be it only plain love, or is it with some impure essences that actually guide your love upon someone?

Love? My ass.

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