Thursday, May 11, 2006

When insanity strikes

And so here i was, looking out the window at the blue black sky. Empty. Not even a star, let alone the round moon. The chilly cold wind annoys me somehow, freezing me bit to bit in the frost. The solid damp is felt to be so heavy around me. Under this old yellow comforter, i burrow myself in front of the old, weary computer screen.

There were times when i was young and greedy, looking at life from different perceptions. Glaring eyes there were, seeing opportunities and isolating the solutions. Living around women is every man's dream, and i was there on the two of my feet, full with confidence to grab every chances and make full use of every asset i have all along the way. Some people will say that was the rock and roll and sex filled kinda life. The way the hippies lead their lives to, comprende?

Women were never that gorgeous the way I see it. No, they're not.

So what is so hard to attract women? I dont see any cascading lineups of trembling ground falls all along the road. The road is so damn clear for the clever man to get passed, well only if he is clever enough. Some might say that it is so fucking hard to attract a woman, while some say not hard at all. It's all about confidence level, you know? There were guys coming my way spilling the beans around, telling that they've been going out with this woman and that. Well maybe we have to give a title or two to these kind of guys. Bullshitters and miserable blind bastards.

I could tell that they were lying all the time.

See, those perverts, Don Juan wannabes did not even have the balls to ask a girl out, and they came and told me they're going out with half of the female population in the college? I mean, owh come on, who the hell is that stupid to break the shell and tell all lies? It's just plain stupid. Generously I told them the same stories, only that mine were brims of facts. Yeah man, you can spell the wrangling pickup lines and sing the Craig David all along with that blings2 on your chest and that half million dollar car you drive. But it's just playing Barbie and Kent, dumb and blind and numb. Mute love game.

What about love then? Are you sure that it is love when you start to date half of the collge babes? Or at least some things that qualified to be babes?

Always play by the rules. That is the fundamental rule. Fail to do so and face the consequences; some irregular patterns of hatred in people eyes, looking at you in disgust. The next person to you might grunt and cast out the death spells on you.

But hell i dont give a damn about the rules. Fuck it. fuck if i care.

Mark my words. There is nothing more comfortable than to make women fall in love with you, so in love they follow you everywhere not letting you go not even an inch. Yeah it's good to have girls falling for you here and there, but the climax has not even been mentioned. The brilliant idea is to make girls fall in love with you, only to give them false hopes and leave them in the end just to start over the system. And it goes on looping. Well, for lack of better comparison to use, u can say that u fish for the cat with a fish, which end up the fish in your belly and the cat dies out of eternal hunger.

Sounds like Bond to me. Somehow.

So what does it feels when one is getting rejected? Owh that must have hurt a lot, eyh son? So you're angry. You're upset. You're darting on indecisive options. To live, or not to?

Being the brainless dude he might take the second option. Sitting on the ledge of a 4th floor apartment, left broken in a million pieces. Heart is bleeding from a thousand stab wounds inflicted by the ex girlfriends. And he can no longer cry since he knows it was for naught. Or wasnt it? Looking below he sees the cast iron gate protruding skywards. Its sharp rusty points seem to be urging him to jump onto them

"Come join us... it won't be painful anymore. "

Well in that kind of situation, you have nothing but faith. I might do shit like that when the emotional state of mind takes place, but i would always make my death dramatic and heroic. Like im saving my ex girlfriend from accident or something like that. I'll even make the scripts and the shots from the back of my head.

Told you...when you kill someone physically, he dies once for you to see. But i always enjoy the emotional kills, where you can always see the one you kill mentally dies over and over in front of your eyes. Isnt it intriguing? Deflected in your black eyes is your black heart. Thanx to the macho bastard behind the mask, i always take this life as something mean needs to be treated the same way it treats me. When the only verdict is vengeance.

Yes, i am mean and insane. Mind to join me?

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