Sunday, December 28, 2008

The Hilarious Mutton Curry Gang & What Are You Doing?

I was bored. It rained a bit in the morning, so I chose to read the books I borrowed from the library the other day just to make sure that I am in control and as to occupy myself with something to keep the time running.

I placed my phone at one of the window edge. Better reception.

As I was enjoying my hand-rolled Blackcurrant-scented tobacco cigarette and enjoying my morning coffee, a friend of mine appeared the front door. He said hello and good morning.

"Morning to you too, kind sir," in such manner, I replied. It was already 11.30am.

This guy friend, Timmy G., is a Malaysian Indian who lived his childhood with his colonial-like grandparents so I have to be in a way or another proper to him, even though sometimes he becomes one crappy guy himself. He is one of the member of the Mutton Curry Gang in which we formed some time long ago, back in the days.

"Coffee?" I asked him.

"No thanks. I've just had mine."

I took a sip of the still steaming hot coffee and felt the liquid burning my internal mouth cavity. Ahh, I let out a sigh. Tim took a chair, sat on it and put both of his legs on the pantry kitchen, as if he was mimicking me or something. For some time he browsed through the books on the table, before he turned his attention to me again.

"So what you did the whole day, Jackie boy?" Man, I have always hated that nickname.

"Uh," I replied slowly while trying to keep my eyes on the paragraph of the book I was reading before I continued, "nothing."


"Yeah nothing. Why?" I put a marker on the page, closed the book and rested it on the table. I looked at him, now putting a confused expression up his face.

"Macha," he called to me in a more spicy Indian way of addressing people, "how long la macha, you have been in this state?"

"Uh, few hours."

"Doing nothing?"

"Ya la. Nothing. Why la?"

He looked really surprised.

"How la macha? How la you do nothing? You've been reading what? You drank coffee what just now. How la you said you did nothing? For hours some more?"

Hurm. It made sense, somehow, did it not? We used to have people who asked what were we doing before we spoke to them, and usually we replied, 'nothing', or 'tak buat apa'. But actually, what is it? What this 'nothing' actually means, and how to do it?

"Macha, funny shit is going on cha. I wonder la cha how la you do nothing? Funny shit, cha!" Right after he finished that sentence, he burst into such laughter that could cause one to shit in their pants, and continue laughing still.

It lasted for a minute or two. And I felt retarded.

"Macha, you're a genius la Jack! You're rocket science, cha! Fella should cage you and put you in some sort of kickass science center so people can come and look at you doing nothing!"

I could not hold it anymore so we both laughed like drunk monkeys playing on a wheelchair before throwing themselves off the roof. We laughed so hard that there better be paramedics standing by outside. Tears was running out from our eyes, and I could feel my cheek was cramping and my jaw was dropping.

Soon I let out a very loud sigh, followed by my usual 'aiyoo'. I asked Tim, 'how la cha?"

Tim, still chuckling, replied, "very hard la Jackie boy. Funny shit is going on, cha."

It was nearly lunch time. I told Tim that we better bring another Mutton Curry Gang member, Jasvinder along for lunch. Since he lived at another village, Tim told me to give the guy a call first. So I took my phone and gave it a try. The annoying tone rang out from my mobile phone speaker. And then there was an answer.

"Bhai (we addressed the Punjabi-blooded Jasvinder as 'bhai' - it pronounces 'bhaiyi'),' I said aloud into the loudspeaker, "wanna go makan or not?"

"Can also," he replied.

I nodded in acknowledgement. Tim was looking at me, smiling. And then I got the idea.

"So bhai," in which he replied 'yea?', "what have you been doing la?"

"Uh, nothing?"

Both of us started jumping up and down the pantry bursting into a series of comical, hilarious laughter. The room was shaking. Tim was knocking his palm continuously into his forehead and kicking at his feet while laughing the crap out, as I was holding my cramping belly that hurt so badly already. He looked as if he was going to die any soon. Panting, he then screamed at me;

"You're a JACKASS la Jack!!!"



shnurafizah said...

salam maal hijrah..~

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

kamu juga~