Thursday, September 03, 2009

And I Give Up Forever To Touch You

"What do you want to have for iftar?"

"I don't know. You?"

I drove past the guard check point at the entrance gate and waved at the guards who happened to know me personally from past encounters. They smiled and gave the heyyy-look-who's-here kind of looks. I blinked an eye at them and made our way to the Ipoh-Lumut causeway.

"I'm craving for some fried chicken la," she said.

"Alright," I said as I took the left lane and into the causeway, Ipoh direction. "Kita pergi KFC la then?"

"Okay," she replied me back as she placed her bag at the back of the car. She then pulled her loose hair backward and tied them up to a pony tail. As she moved, her Rush came rushing, filling the voids in air around in the inside of the car. It got myself drugged again.

It was already 7.00pm when we left UTP. The sun was already about to set, so I pressed on the gas to get to the KFC outlet in Batu Gajah before the iftar time. The causeway was rather crowded, probably because everyone was rushing to their own destinations for iftar. In between times, I took quick glances at her when she wasn't looking.

She wore a plain, black long-sleeve cotton shirt except for a silver love imprint at the right chest, a pair of blue acid-wash jeans and her colorful sandals. There was a silver bracelet on her right wrist with love pendants at every tie that shone in the lights from the setting sun. I was in my black-and-white Blackwatch Polo, my usual Snail's black cargo and my Paul Smith, with additional magnetic bracelet on my right wrist and my black SLR Tag Heuer on my left. Somehow our clothes matched each others'.

"You okay tak ni?" She turned her head to me when she asked.


"Diam je."

"Okay je," I said while trying hard to hide the expression in my face. Probably she could read me already?

She didn't reply but to lean forward and play with the Flip-flap that I placed on the dashboard. I looked at her small, fair-skinned fingers as she touched the moving artificial leaves.

"I hope you don't hide things from me," she said softly but with it sounded she really meant it, her fingers still playing with the leaves. "It shows."

I felt a sharp pain in my heart when she said that. She already did read me. It seemed that I had hurt her without me realizing. To hurt her would be the last thing in my mind I'd ever do, and it probably will never happen at all. I took a look at her from the side of her face. She looked upset, and that made me feel even more worst. I didn't want this outing to be spoiled before it even started, so I needed to come out with the best I could to save it before it was too late.

"Nantilah I cerita," I said to her before throwing my eyes onto the road again. "Kita makan dulu okay?"

She turned to me with an expressionless face. You look damn adorable when you did that, didn't you know that?


I looked at her and nodded, "promise."

And those lovely lips smiled again.

* * *

"Ipoh White coffee, please," I told the waiter as he took the order before turning to the one with rosy cheeks. She pulled two fingers up to the waiter, signaling for two cups of the same drink.

The night in Clearwater Sanctuary Golf Resort was somehow pleasing. It was very quiet except the voices from chattering mat sallehs from the rear tables. There was nobody in the club house except us, them mat sallehs and the kitchen crews. The place was well lighted by these cozy, romantic yellow-orangery lights. I chose to come here for a cup of coffee after the heavy meals we had in KFC just now for iftar. I still could feel one of those cheesy wedges stuck on my throat.

"So," she said, "what was it that bothering you just now?"

I placed my eyes on her who was then sitting next to me. She looked pleasant from the radiance of those romantic lights, hence improving my mood somehow to becoming rather romantic as well. She sank in the big wooden chair with fluffy cushions while resting both of her arms on the armrests, her legs crossed. With her hair now let loose covering a part of her vision, I felt the urge to brush my fingers to reposition them, but I decided not to.

"Today we did the Experiment 3, the heat of reaction," I said slowly, word by word.


"There was this spill of concentrated acids in the fume chamber. You know? The 11.6 mole sulfuric acid?"

"Uh-huh?" she nodded for a bit. "What's with it?"

"See," I leaned forward to her, "I am currently the longest serving instructor in Chemistry Lab II. So I have this responsibility to keep the lab going smoothly, and when something bad happens, I have to answer to the board of safety."

She listened carefully while staring at me in focus.

"So now I have to answer to them. You know, damage reports and stuffs. And the result might be nasty," I said to her before I leaned back again and continued, "and that's what I was worried about."

"Did anybody get hurt?"


"Then what's the problem?"

I just smiled at her while tapping a finger on the table. Honey, honey. It is always a big issue when it comes to laboratory safety, not only in UTP but also anywhere else. In engineering world, safety is always a number one priority. When things like this happened, those held in responsibilities have to take charge to correct the wrongs, and usually in the way, their futures are at stake.

"But it wasn't your fault kan?" She was serious when she asked that.

"Bukan. It was an accident."

"Then? Takkan diorang nak buang you dari handling the lab?"

"Takdelah sampai macam tu," I said. "But I might be facing some stuffs la nanti."

As I finished the sentence, our drinks arrived at the table. The steaming hot coffee did not stop me from enjoying the bitter-tasting drink as I slowly sipped on them. She didn't touch her drink at all.

"This is ridiculous," she said, pissed. Her face looked angry.

"Don't worry about it lah."

"No. This is ridiculous. It's not your fault. Why should you yang responsible?"

"It's just a duty I need to fulfill." I sipped more on the coffee.

"Did you even fight for it?"

"Nak fight apa pulak?"

"For your rights la. Takkan you just want to sit here doing nothing and just hope things would be okay? That's weak tau."

I did not blink when I looked at her. Somehow her statement poked the sensitive part in me. I placed the glass of hot coffee onto the table and threw my eyes somewhere else, somewhere where she was not visible in my eyes. I did, I did try my very best to make up so that everything would be normal again. I did try hard. How could she just said that? I was a capable fighter even against the much skilled opponents. I did fight for it. My mind played along with the sharp blows that constantly pounded on my chest. I felt hurt, hurt by her words. I felt a small, burning rage in me - talking about being rebellious.

Suddenly I felt a warm touch on my hand. I looked at it and saw hers was on top of mine. I raised my head to see her staring at me with worried looks on her face.

"Sorry," she said as she caressed my hand slowly. "I shouldn't have said what I said. I'm sorry."

I stared into her watery eyes deeply and wondered about what just happened. She looked really worried and somehow the signs of deep regrets showed on her face. I felt that my rage went away like smokes in air. I felt the hardest part in my heart melted like the Rocher did in my hands days ago. I felt the coldest part in me slowly warmed up as she stroke her fingers against mine. For the first time since so long, I felt cared and well taken care of. I was amused at how she could change the atmosphere quite so suddenly a hundred-and-eighty degree. Slowly my lips formed a sincere, warm smile.

"It's ok," I said.

She smiled back too, still stroking her hands, patting mine. "I will pray for you. I hope things will be okay again."

"Thank you."

* * *

03/09/09 2.13am, a text message entered the mobile phone.

"I baru habis sembahyang. I prayed for you. Good night n thx 4 just now. Jgn terlepas sahur lg. :)"

Thank you rosy cheeks.


shera said...

oke.nw ur sharing sumthg.feel better rite? sharing is love.noticed that sir ;)

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

is it? then crap i've been in love with many men already! for years! ahahahaha.

ok2. siyes.

Amalina Madzlan said...


LuTaNiA said...

I suka lah baca ur blog eventho some entries xde pictures. :)

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

aryna: thanks, you :)

lutania: ahaha. thanks! keep reading. comment2 je la mana rasa nak comment

shera said...

ye.sila serius sikit! huh