Thursday, September 17, 2009

Tell Me That You Love Me Too

"So you work here in Ipoh?"

"Yeah," he replied as he took one of rosy cheeks' fries and into his mouth, slowly disintegrating the hopeless fried potato cut into well-made starch. I paid that, damn you. I took a look at the rain outside the McD's outlet before I put my attention to him again.

"What field?" I crossed my legs and pat on my Wimbledon's to match his style while he clapped both of his hands to remove the crust from the fries he just ate, which was quite plenty. I took a cigarette and lighted it up in front of him, pushing the smoke next to my right side where the wind blew. He coughed a little. Not very tough boy now, huh?

But we're not competing each other, we're just being men.

"I'm a physician," he continued as his hand dug in his left pocket on his black slack, came out a highly stylish steel case that I assumed contained cigarettes. He took one of them lined-up cigarette, lighted it up with a lighter that from the look of it was a Zippo, and crossed his legs too. He's mimicking me, and he's a smoker too. What surprises?

"I thought doctors discourage smoking?"

"I do," he said as he exhale the smoke out. "But I am human first, doctor second."

Smart. I didn't realize how this particular man was trying to poke on my fragile bag of patience by provoking my intelligence, as if he was testing just how far I could go. I was a smart man and he was a smart man too, but both of us we had this non-conventional attitude trait oftenly found in urban men that only comes out once in a while - the tendency of being smartasses as to act for self defense. And this caused the situation between us two men to be tensional enough to have us look at each other in burning envy, masked with fake smiles.

Well probably he was jealous as well, because while he worked his lady was with me. But then again, to rosy cheeks I was just her tutor. Just a tutor, like when she introduced me to him.

"You're an engineer?" he asked right before he puffed in the Dunhill and tapped the ash into the metal ashtray.

I just nodded. Hell right I am, a professional just like you. I tried hard to keep calm, and likewise he also tried to maintain his assertiveness in such an awkward situation. I took off my spectacle so that my impaired vision will be compromised, blurry enough to keep me from seeing what he's doing clearly. And that will give me the advantage, because I didn't need to react to things I saw. Plus, people said my eyebrows intimidate more when the spectacle is off.

I killed the cigarette I had been smoking in the ashtray and fixed my seat when rosy cheeks suddenly appeared from the back of me, making her way back to her seat from the bathroom escape. As she sat, she placed her left arm on the guy's shoulder, slightly touching his neck and hairline, brushing her soft, silky skin against his. He looked at her while reaching for her hands and she looked back, smiling, showing her sparkling white teeth from between those pink lips. Then he looked at me - with his cigarette in his hand, legs crossed, his shiny P. Smith slim fit striped shirt (everyone knew it was P.Smith from that stripes) and slack glared at me - and he smiled.

I ticked. And I smiled too.

I took my phone, my cigarette box, my lighter and my car keys, and gently pushing the chair backward. I stood up and offered my hand for him to shake, to which he did in surprise. I held his hand in mine and I looked at the now confused rosy cheeks, trying to figure what was going on in between me and his Abang Man. I shook his hand for the last time, and I admitted defeat.

I admitted defeat, and I retreated away from the winning man. In the heavy rain I walked to my lonely car, leaving them without a single word behind me. The cold rain poured on me, thunders and lightnings stroke openly creating shadows of me on the wet tarmac when they did. My heart felt empty. I didn't have a heart that worked anymore. Everything didn't make sense. My face didn't make move, they just stayed static. I didn't even blink my eyes. Things from past memories came flashing in front of me, and I could see how they laughed at me. Pain, I felt painful as one after another image appeared, they didn't leave even if I closed my eyes. I looked at my way as I walked, water came passing my eyes and lips, wetting my hair and my shirt and pant and shoes. But did I care? I did not. I just didn't care anymore.

You already have lost before it even started, Jacksparrow. It's game over.

My car was parked at a corner far away from the shop, so walking took some time. I heard running steps behind me catching up. Probably it's rosy cheeks. Probably the Chinese kid who parked in front of me. Or probably just another passer-by tried to escape the rain. I didn't care. I just walked instead. The steps got closer, and I felt my shoulder was pulled from behind, straight away I knew who it was. But I did not stop walking.

The hand fell off my shoulder as I walked forward. I swore I could feel how the warmth from it disappeared. But that was not the hand for me to hold. Not the hand for me to adore and kiss, let alone for me to miss. No, rosy cheeks, you were not mine to hold. Go back to where you come from. He's waiting for you there.

I reached my car I tried to unlock the doors manually using the keys but the pitch-dark, unlighted surroundings made it difficult for me to. And that was when my left arm was pulled rather extremely from behind, causing me to turn around and see rosy cheeks standing in front of me. Her hair was all wet, and too her clothes. She held my arm close and in a grip - I could feel how her nails dug into my skin.

"Kenapa pergi macam tu je?"

"What?" The rain was too loud. I couldn't hear her.

"Jangan la buat macam ni," she had to raise her voice to match the rain. "Nanti you demam kena hujan. Jom la masuk dalam balik."

"It's alright," I told her. "Don't worry about me. Go back to him. He'll be worried."

"I taknak."

"If that makes you happy."

"Kenapa ni?!" She sound pissed already.

Gosh, you just don't have any idea do you, sayang?, I asked myself and smiled. I turned around again and tried to find the lock to place the car key in and unlock the door. And for the second time I was pulled from the back, causing me to turn around.

"What?" I asked her, pissed.

"Kenapa buat macam ni?"

"Buat apa?" I asked her with a cynical voice. "What did I do?"

"Kenapa tiba-tiba je nak balik?"

"Saja. Terasa nak balik."

"Habis I nak balik naik apa?"

I lifted my shoulder and sarcastically said, "I don't know, probably the three series would do?

I didn't wait for her but to turn around and tried on the door again. This time it worked and the doors were unlocked, so I opened it and wanted to make my way in when again, that hand turned me around. But this time she pulled me way too forceful that I slipped and accidentally swung my hand and hit rosy cheeks in the process to balance myself. She fell and hit the ground on her bottom with one hand holding to the road tarmac. She screamed a little, but all I did was to stand in front of her not knowing what to do. I just froze. It shocked me half to death to see how she fell, but nothing shocked me more than to see what I saw next in front of me.

He was standing under an umbrella quite a distance away from us. I guessed from what he saw just now, he didn't look happy. And he started walking towards us, fast.

Oh fuck.


It4Ch1 said...

Was she trying to make both of man compete?

farishta said...

Whoa the drama! Cliffhanger all the time la. You surely know how to make your readers come back for more! ;D

IMHO, it was extremely selfish of her going after you like that after the bomb she dropped on you. What did she expect anyway? She wanted to see your reaction and if you were upset, in her mind you are crazy about her (which you are pun, kan? ;) ) In her mind she didn't do anything wrong. She's the poor little gal that needs to be loved. Reading this story reminds me of my past so much. I'd like to think I'm a reformed selfish cow (altho there are those who might beg to differ :P)

I could write a thesis on this. Haha

Felicia F. Ramzi said...

"kenapa pergi macam tu je? nanti demam"

oh my god, bimbo ke pe? sorry lah jack, but i think orang yang you sayang ni, tak reti menilai apa yang ada depan mata..lagi buat dumb blonde, or dumb black, whatever..

dont let yourself jadi stupid because of her.. cause from the sound of it, dia seperti clueless.. you nak ke dengan orang yang constantly akan treat you mcm ni? tak pasal2 dengan you sekali jadi clueless.. im with woody, just leave.

woody said...

y some woman can't see wut the fck they're doing...

The Belogger King said...

Haih.. either she is too cruel and likes to play with people's heart or she is just too inexperienced in this kinds of things.. She slices ur heart, the add some salt to it before frying it in boiling oil...and if she did this for the sake of playing, that would be too much.Whatever it is, ur bearing the pain.I feel so sorry for u.adeh.. kesian.. btw, SELAMAT HARI RAYA MAAF ZAHIR Batin. Ceria slalu!

W. Suhailaliza W. M. H. said...

oh my God...
this is killing me. really.

shera said...

aiyok.ape sudah jadi sir?

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

i hope you guys will keep posting your comments to guide me in this. thanks

It4Ch1 said...

ai, tahu pulak dia tak reply all ur calls and messages sebab ada bf.

thats the main point.

she's just selfish man

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

yeah. i didnt see it coming. but whats with her words? and games?