Saturday, October 03, 2009

Of Becoming, and Being a Fool

And if it doesn't go your way, look up to blue sky and say, "hey it's ok. It's ok."

It has been days since the last time I updated this little page of mine.

And since the last time I updated, the last post excluded, I have seen many events before my eyes and I have understood many other things. Of how people changed and how these changes changed other people surrounding the first. So much for our thought that, if we change somehow one day, it won't affect people around us let alone change them in a way or another.

Some have changed for good but many changed for the worst, blinded by the facts that unto them made so blurry that they were lured into making false decisions and then tried hard to rationalize them into their own favor, continuously putting themselves in positions where they were so vulnerable to critics that in the end they became the hits of the town - as warnings to others of how one tiny little decision could affect a person, mostly in catastrophically disastrous way. And usually this type of disaster happens not because of us making bad choices, but because we listen to certain people that lead us into making one, from which in the end turns out to be a complete mistake, and by the time we realize that we are wrong it is already too late. And we feel not any better than being complete fools to ourselves while the person(s) who lead us to making the call feels anything but sorry and guilt for leading us to.

This is a story of those fools.

* * *

It is funny though, the way that we tend to make decisions. Oftenly enough we become very judgmental to choices, and we analyze every option that we have before choosing any, only in the end we see ourselves trapped in unfortunate indecisive moments that halts us from moving forward, and to go back is always non-favorable. We stop in the middle of the way of making a decision, because we are not sure which is the best for us. It seems that every choice has their best results, and we tend to be confused by them.

And then what we do? Right. We ask people. We ask those around us for enlightenment in order to keep our eyes open for information and whatnot that are in need for making a decision. We ask them which restaurant is the best between these choices we have; we ask them which of these shirts fits us best; we ask them should we stay or should we leave these persons we are seeing; and many others.

There is nothing wrong to ask the people we trust to assist us in making one tough decision. But what really wrong is when you ask the inappropriate persons - those whom you though you trust might be trustful enough, but do they have what it takes to help you out?

Imagine a day comes when you need to buy a car for example, and your close friend (lets call this friend as Exhibit A) is with you as to answer your call for assistance in choosing the best ride for you. So the both of you go to the nearest place where they sell cars and you start looking around for one. Now, your best friend would be the most critical asset you have, since you put all your trust on him/her, believing that he/she has the intelligence better than yours to make a sound call.

And this person, Exhibit A, will usually do their best to make you feel better by giving you meaningful, sweet advices that lead you into making quick decisions. They will say that, "oh this car fits you well. Look at the color! And ehmagawd if I were you I will buy it straight away. Trust me, I am good at this."

Trust me. I am good at this.

Now, have you thought that, when you ask a person for an opinion, don't they will come up with decisions that in a way or another grant them some slight, small benefits to themselves too? Or maybe they give you the false information that may be right in their eyes but yours? But being the confused you, you fall for entirely a bunch of misleading deceptions, going ahead and make the call anyway, since your best friends say so.

In the end, you ended up with endless car payment and spitfiring dollars for the car maintenance et cetera. And by then you realize that, you say to yourselves, "my, I shouldn't have asked somebody without an automotive background to choose a car for me."

But by then, you are already a complete fool.

* * *

"So tell me," she said. "Tell me which one do I choose between him and him. And why."

I put down my cigarette on the cigarette holder and proceeded to drink a few sips of the warm coffee. I took the cigarette back in between my fingers, tapped the ash and took a puff. My eyes met hers in this event of making a tough decision.

"I," I said to her before taking another puff and let the smoke out slowly from my nose, and continued, "I am not in a position where I can advise you in love."

"But you," she replied, pointing the fork she was using to cut the cheesecake in her plate to me, "you have been in love for so many times. You know the game."

"If I was any good at it," I tapped the ash, "in this game we call love, I wouldn't have lost any of my lovers."

"True, true," she said. Her eyes were sympathetic, and I hated them.

"All I can tell you is that," I took a last puff and killed the smoke in the ashtray with a few pushes, "what matters is not whether you love him, any of them, or not. What matters is if he, whichever this 'he' is, is willing to love you back the way you do."

"Oh aren't you a darling."

I just smiled and took a few more sips from my cup. She folded her hand into her hair and leaned forward, placing her both arms standing on the table and rested her chin on them. And she smiled too. She only did that when she had something in mind, oftenly curiosity.

"So tell me," she said in a lower tone, "did you love her?"

As I thought so. I didn't look at her as I planned my answer, with the cup of coffee still in my hand.

"Well of course, yes. Yes I did."

"Well do you still?"

This time I looked and stared at her who was then smiling, annoyingly, with her lovely hair covering her face and her lips taunting a sweet, luring smile.

"That," I said before I finished the coffee in one go and placed the cup back on its base,

"is for me to keep, and for you to find out."

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