Sunday, October 11, 2009

Transmission Ends

"I'm sorry I lied."

Rosy Cheeks; 1.58am, 11th October 2009.

* * *

It has been days since I first had this clearly unnatural and somehow unexplained uneasy feeling so severe that I found myself at times to be very affected by it. This uneasy feeling, not only it made me sit and think for hours of what it may be for it might be some sort of signals of caution that I might need to be alert to, but it made me to feel somehow terrified in the manner of knowing that something bad will happen soon even without the knowledge of what is it actually. The hunch - these tingling pokes of hidden telling - suggested that I have to be sharp at all times, for whatever it may turned out to be, it would affect my life somewhat negatively. And days went by without me getting not even the slightest idea about it nor having anything to do about it except telling my friends that, "I've got this one nasty bad feeling that I do not know about."

Today, I finally understood what the hunch was all about.

* * *

It had been a very busy week, and nothing rewards me more than a decent cup of hot, creamy coffee. Finally broken free from all the things that chained me from all the errands - research, laboratory demonstrations, meetings, conference papers, work trips etc. - I decided to go to the usual Old Town Coffee shop we've always hung out at at the outer ring but still in the vicinity of the tiny little town of Ipoh.

Crowded, the place was. It was 11.30pm, roughly, and also it was the night before Sunday from which everyone went out in the pursuit of pleasure and whatnot. I was with two close friends, and instead of spending/wasting time finding one pleasurable spot for us to settle down for the next three hours, we just sat down at the only available table first visually-observed. The atmosphere was humid and warm, the typical atmosphere of the tropics, only that it was warmer tonight than usual. And this was the reason why I ordered myself a glass of cold 'gao' white coffee instead than the earlier choice.

And then we talked. We talked about our favorite subjects - from the all-serious Schrodinger's findings, Occam's Razor application, applied physics, advance mathematics etc. to the hysterically hilarious Douglas Adam's trilogy of four stories and the postponed (by rough assumption from rough estimates) attack of the Indonesian-born Bendera troops that was to leave for Malaysia yesterday by air, land and sea with nothing but just some homemade, humble bamboo sticks.

We laughed and we enjoyed our coffees. The air was cheerful and dandy. Everyone was having good times and it was good since it would be very hard for us three to meet during weekdays for that we were pretty much attached to our researches, so weekend like this would be the best time to sit together and have this boys moment all over again. But this hunch, it still was there at the corner of my heart, and was bothering me in such a way that it barricaded me from having my moments at their full capacity.

As I was trying to figure what the negatively-suggesting hunch was all about - of what kind of situation it was trying to warn me about - it happened.

* * *

Now what would you feel, when something shocking was revealed to you before your very own eyes, without you being even prepared for it at all? I am sure that many of you have had this kind of experiences.

It happened before my very own eyes.

I was trying to figure what the negatively-suggesting hunch was all about, so I pulled away from the conversation the boys were currently having by looking into the inside of the shop through the glass wall of the automatic door (we chose to sit outside for the love of tobacco), and I saw her. I saw rosy cheeks. She was sitting at the corner of the shop, not entirely facing me nor the boys, and her vision was impaired by the fact that all lights inside were reflected back into the shop by the glass walls, causing everything outside the walls to be completely difficult to see. And this could be the reason why she didn't notice that I was there, too. Now did that shock me? Of course not. Not at all.

But what did was that there was a guy next to her, and from the look of it, I assumed that they have known each other for some time - they talked, they joked, they laughed, they patted each other - and that led me into another assumption that they were just friends. And then that skinny, fair-skinned boy who dressed up in obviously one of the most wrongly-picked combination of shirt and shorts kissed that rosy cheek of her and held her hand, from which she replied with a hug: the kind of hugs you only receive from a lover.

And I saw these from beyond my eyes. My own eyes. Only if you could imagine how things started to stir in me.

But I could be wrong, like the last time it occurred with Abang Man, even when I was very positive that she was Rosy Cheeks, at an easily a hundred-and-twenty-thousand percent guarantee. So just for the check, I texted her up through my mobile. Slowly I peeked at her and saw how she took her phone and checked it through, typing some words, hit the send button and placed it back into her brown tote bag.Not a moment later, my phone rang its message tone.

Earlier I asked her her whereabouts and what she was doing at the moment, to which she replied:

"I kat umah. Tgk TV."

My curiosity about the hunch was finally satisfied.

* * *

Now let's examine my feelings.

Furious at first, upon knowing that Rosy Cheeks was nothing but simply a (you fill the blank here with any word of your choice). I believed her when she said she didn't have anyone to love. I believed her lies. And that made me furious for not only trusting her but the failure of seeing this from the very beginning.

But then the fury then was reduced to simply nothing. Nothing at all. I was not entirely disappointed too after a clear review of my feelings. In fact I was glad for some reasons. After all, I and Rosy Cheeks we never made the call for a tie in the name of love (or whatever it is) and trust (which was non-existence since day one).

So I decided to leave with the boys when I recognized my position in the situation, but not before I made my last appearance in front of Rosy Cheeks who was at the time resting her head on the boy's shoulder.

I assure you that she could never be anymore terrified than to see me standing less than ten feet away, with two of my hands in the pockets of my shorts, my head looking at them, smiling. And I assure you too, that that terrified look she made on her face will stay there for a very, very long time. The boy however, was in deep confusion. Obviously he seemed to be 'well-played', too.

I didn't even talk to them. I took out my right hand and made a 'peace' sign using my fingers, only that the two fingers were in a position where they stood close next to next instead of standing apart. I kissed the two fingers and waved them, no, her, goodbyes. And then I left, with such confidence and style, to join the boys who were waiting for me outside.

* * *

"I'm sorry I lied."

I looked at the fresh message and decided to delete it, including her number. I'm sorry I believed you, Rosy Cheeks, but no more. So long, Rosy Cheeks. Nice knowing ya.

Transmission ends.


MiLuViA said...

transmission ends.

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

yes, my dear darling o' private doctor of mine.

Transmission ends.

LuTaNiA said...

Maybe she tried to tell you at the event where she said that it was her bf who texted her..?
Dude, I'm telling ya, she's not worth it.

cik jaa said...

hurm...again, transmission ends.

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

Aina: you're right. she's not worth the fight. i'm out.

cik jaa: what do you mean, again?

It4Ch1 said...

haha.. damn. its a good ending man!
my salutes to you!
Sieg Heil!!

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

thank you, good man itachi! if it was not your wisdom that guided me, i wouldnt have ended doing the right thing :D

MeiLin said...

Is she serious in the 1st place..?
She don't seemed to be the type of girl who can stay at a place and love that