If only I know your whereabout now.
I do not know where you are, let alone who you are at all evidence. You could be someone whom I have met and known, or probably the total reverse, and even worst, there could be chances that you never really exist even until my mortal life is over one day.
But it is always in my favorite manner to let you know, God bless whoever you are, about what I have here inside the very cavity of my chest; the feelings that have grown so mature now that it beats rhythmically with my own heart, for you to listen to me, and here goes all the things that I have always wanted you to know, every little thing that I have always wanted to say.
If only I could have expressed the amount of warm love I have collected over the years for you right now; of how much I would take you at my full capacity, how much I would put my effort into play just to keep the relationship going at full speed forward and never at all slipped to a complete halt, and how much I am willing to sacrifice my everything just to carve that flawless smile on your very lips to brighten my weatherbeaten days.
Never again my nights will be so bloody empty and never again the otherwise sunny days appear to be so gloomy.
I shall love you to the very end. I shall decorate your empty walls with pretty colors and beautiful words that I could ever come out with. I shall love you before, during and after I shake that old man's hand while everyone is watching and announce that very special sentence for everyone to hear, that will tie the loose knot in between us both, with you sitting over there next to your mother in the best wedding dress ever, smiling at me in tears.
I shall love you in makeup, I shall love you looking your very worst.
I shall hug you each and every night while we sleep just for you to know that I am there to protect you from even the slightest blow of the coldest of wind, even when you are dead mad at me over little things you could possibly be mad with. I shall sleep after you and wake up right before you do, just to have a glance at how peaceful you look when you are deep in your dreams.
I shall take care of you from every little pinch that you get along the way. I will stay up during stormy nights just to keep you company and blanket you from the hitting coldness, so that you could comfortably rest in the warmth of my guard. I shall rub your head gently every time you fall with fever, and stay by your bed all day long ready with cold orange juice and hot chicken soup in case you need any.
I shall write and read you poetry of the prettiest kinds.
I shall be there with you while we are having our very first baby, holding your hand tightly and rubbing off sweat from your forehead as you struggle to deliver. And I shall bring our baby to you myself and kiss you on your forehead with the brightest from every smile a new father could have possibly came out with, thanking you for all you have done that all nine months.
I shall build us a home on a hill facing the sea with a big lawn where we will sit every evening looking at sunset while you rest your head on my shoulder and I caress your hair gently without a word spoken in between us both. And this home will always be there for us even when we are old and the kids have grown up having their own families, doing the same damn thing we use to do every evening without getting at all bored at it.
I shall always listen to your problems and comfort you out even when you do not ask for one. I shall lend you my shoulder for you to hang on to and my chest for you to wet with your tears. I will endlessly offer you tissues and paper towels and even my own shirt until you let everything all out without me urging you to stop at all, because I know you need to cry just to feel right about things again. All I will do is to hug you and hush you with a whisper or two until you fall asleep on me.
I will do everything, everything at all just to keep that smile on your face.
* * *
But then again, I hope you would accept me the way I am.
I am just another ordinary man you could easily find standing purposely at a corner of a busy street. I do not have anything to offer. I do not own any wealth, let alone anything that promises us of such this very moment, but given enough time, patience and faith I promise you that there will come a day when we will not have to anymore worry about wealth at all. I shall work hard within my best capacity every and each day; going out early in the morning and come home later in the evening to keep the food on the table for you and the kids, even when I have to stay hungry the whole day.
I, too, am a man of many flaws. I could probably at times forget how to love; I might at times fail to become anymore perfect like you have always wished for; I could at times lose my temper over little things, hurt you unintentionally with my words, and every other thing that you find disappointing about me. And should that happens, I would want you to know that I am totally sorry, for I am only human and I could have not have an entire control over myself at all time, for the reasons that we all lose ourselves every now and then just to show how human we all are.
I hope you will read this, whoever you are.
And I just hope that this will not end as just another meaningless hope.
* * *
I am halfway from you now.Please don't be late.But then again if you will be, I'd still patiently wait.