Tuesday, December 29, 2009

21 Days

A little less than 22 days to my birthday.

A little less than 3 days to the new year.

Looking back roughly a year ago, ah, how different things were back then. I was younger, foolish but happier, naive but cheerful, weak but a fighter. A lot of things had happened in between, too many in fact that some of them changed me to quite something else.

Older. Wiser. Bitter.

I have tasted the bitterness of the sweetest of love. I have seen how people in my life come and go. I have seen how friends turned their backs on me. I have seen how even the strongest ones bent. I have seen how people I trusted betrayed me in the end. I have seen how strangers become no more as ones to me. And I have seen what I have always wanted after all mine they could never be.

I have tasted the pain of missing. I have suffered the agony of hope. I have walked a thousand mile for what I thought was happiness. I have faced a forceful amount of hate. I have seen how punctuality went late.

I have met many people too. But I'd say that I only know fully just one or two. I have known those we usually refer to as good friends. I have met those we usually against them we defense. I have been patiently waiting, for things I still do not know what they bring.

I have cried an amount of sorrowful tears. I have eaten one too many lies. I have kept my heart cold and broken, and I have kept the blind on my eyes.

I have paid the price to be happy. I have gone through things I find crappy. I have met those ladies I could simply say as almost lovers. Only in the end to realize that my love for them were always rovers. I have swallowed my pride and I have swallowed my heartache. I have now learned how to create a smile that's fake.

I have been so vengeful. I have been so angry. Although both came to be just temporary. I have lost those I loved, I have too lost some friends. Some were good ones, some were just empty cans.

I have met the people whom in hearts was me. But what could I do, for my locked heart I have lost the key. I have lived my days in total disappointment. I have laughed too at my greatest entertainment. I have let people poke me in the face, and I have fought them with the strongest of fire gone ablaze. I have taught myself on how to just stay calm, during my worst moments, during when my anger was napalm.

I have had a lot of things to wish for on my previous birthday. But this one time I just want to wish for just one thing - an end to every little sorrow I have been carrying all these time. Love, happiness, hope, among every other things.

I have tried to love and I have tried to hate.

Mend me. Mend me, somebody. Before it is too late.

You. Give me back my smiles.


Unknown said...

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shera said...

just empty cans..?

oke.nw dah paham.happy new year nazmi =)

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

blog: thanks for the invitation.

shira: obviously not you. nevertheless, thanks.

Noora Darmawan said...

did u lost something in the past?

Nur Diana said...

Someone will..

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

ila: i did. in fact i have lost many things that i hold dear to my heart.

yanne: false, blindfolded hope, huh?

Noora Darmawan said...

dont moan about what u lost, rejoice bout what u have. huhu.. my teacher said this to me once i lost something precious in my life

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

those are the words of those who hardly learn the meaning of losing, i must say. i am sorry, but i have to disagree with it.

Noora Darmawan said...

mybe u think too much jack..

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

a bit too easy and a little too early to judge me on this particular matter, is it not?

i suggest you to read up on philosophy. slowly you will realize what kind of world we are currently living in.