Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Responsibility At Stake

The day ended spectacularly well today, just like every other day since the new year celebration. A few successes here and there, just enough to create some smiles on my tired face.

It has been a clear note to me to clear my schedule on a daily basis from 8.00pm onwards from any work whatsoever, for I feel that I may require some time for myself and friends at night so that I could catch up with a few things that I may have not been able to do so during the day. Oftenly enough this time I have slightly after dinner is entirely invested in me sitting down on my chair doing a couple of thinking sessions, accompanied by none other than my pack of Virginian & Javanese tobacco and my countless cups of hot coffee.

And this is exactly what I am doing while this entry is written.

Tomorrow, a date from which will hit in a little less than an hour from now, will be a day when I need to make one particular decision that could mean either two things: good ending, or completely the otherwise. And as indecisive as I could be when it comes to making critical decisions such as this one, it is fair to say that I have a certain degree of fear that tails me while thinking my very best to justify the way I am to take from the other, and being one that at times being so careful I must say that I have found myself sleepless from thinking about it.

Nevertheless I have my answer by now already, and all that I need to do once the first hand of the clock hits positive vertical position any time now, is to make it clear that there will be no turning back, for that a decision has been made and by hook or by crook it has to be done, come what may.

There will be consequences to this. And I am perfectly clear that being a man risen in a family that lives a tradition, a custom of colonially-influenced ethics (my late grandfather worked with a British gentleman during the early years), I was thought to be responsible on every little thing that I do, and that is what I am going to do tomorrow - taking responsibility, taking control of the situation, planting a root of revolution.

Tonight I am worried, no, more to concerned, thinking about the consequences. But it is time to swallow my pride for a bit and clear certain mess that has been around for quite some time now.

And I believe this occurs to everyone who has a decision to make, too.

* * *

It's 12.00 am. It will be done.

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