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Mighty Jacksparrow is an Earth-based sub-intergalactic blogger who enjoys writing and in the same time entertaining his ever-amusing will-kill-to-read fans with sensationally hilarious and at times dramatic musings. This blog offers endless ideas and results; they might be charming most of the times but could be offending in some others. Therefore, it is always noble to remind that if you enjoy the pieces, carry on reading, but if they upset you, do quietly leave like the evening breeze and not like exploding diarrhea, which exactly what you will look like if you ever lose it on me. Enjoy! :D

Thursday, January 28, 2010

The Three-Seconds Rule

The Gentlemen Code of Ethics on the Chapter of Surveillance (Part 3: Tactical) - Remember: when checking on women, Three-Seconds Rule applies immediately.


The Three-Seconds Rule states that:

1. One can check on women with direct eye contact for only 3 seconds or lesser.
2. Next attempt to check again on the same subject has to be after an interval of at least 30 seconds or more.
3. One should not stare.
4. One should not make uncommon facial expressions and body gestures while executing Three-Seconds Rule.
5. Allowed area of survey for Three-Seconds Rule is anywhere above the neck only for first attempt, while the second attempt and so on, though not specifically mentioned, are strongly advised to be executed only to the first area being surveyed (above the neck) to gain extra detail information, among every other areas of interest like apparels et cetera.
6. Only 2 more attempts are allowed after the first attempt to ensure full anonymity.
7. Do not get caught red-handed.
8. The rule forbids the act of perversion at all costs.


Notes:

1. If possible, do not move the head towards the subject when surveying. Only use eye movements only.
2. If the subject is at any point which is out of boundary of vision range, do apply additional gestures that require the body to move slightly to allow the extension of vision range, e.g.: looking at the shoulder while trying to rub off imaginary fallen hair, trying to fix the butt position on the chair, trying to retrieve 'accidentally' fallen object of possession on the floor et cetera.
3. Desperate measures only apply when the target is totally out of possible retrievable range. This measure requires one to go mobile to establish a new view-point for either permanent (change of table at the restaurant because the table is bad due to some make-believe reasons) or temporary (quick survey during a trip to the gent's).
4. When signalling to a bro, use encrypted messaging system, e.g.: 'possible, scale 7.9, three o'clock'. Three-Seconds Rule applies on any attempt of surveillance made after this ally intelligence support is successfully received and understood. If unsure, use the order of repeat.
5. If conversation is impossible, use eye movements to locate the subject.


Definitive Countermeasures - The Dos and Don'ts when caught surveying:

1. DO NOT panic. Be calm and gentle, quickly initiate a ten-degree upper lip lift from horizontal respectful smile that does not lift both cheeks deliberately and then nod once before breaking eye contact. DO NOT wait for response.
2. If confronted by the subject, stay calm and make good remarks on anything above the neck ONLY, preferably accessories that happen to catch the attention earlier hence the needs to survey. It is not advisable to comment on her body parts whatsoever.
3. Leave the 'I think we have met before' crap aside. Try to be creative: use 'Pardon me really but I notice that the necklace you are wearing is very good looking. By Tiffany, I suppose?' instead of 'Nice necklace'.
4. Watch your words. It is a very thin line between receiving the subject's gratitude and the subject's non-heavenly slap.


Why Three-Seconds Rule?

1. To gain as many initial knowledge on the subject in order to clarify the state of clearance - no boyfriend, fierce dad and husband along with in order to avoid physical confrontation that most of the time will end up either with battlefront attack formation or fully defensive retreat, never really a diplomatic end.
2. To respect the ladies - Three-Seconds Rule suggests that the three seconds interval is long enough to gain point initial knowledge on the subject but short enough for the subject to notice.
3. To benchmark the subject in the scale of overall attractiveness from 0 to 10 in order to arrange the decision-making on 'Go' or 'No Go'
4. To initiate sound king strategy on whatever intentions the observer has in mind. Note: the strategy only works with mostly good intentions.


Example of usage:

1. Subject location is noticed, acquired and locked on. Remember head position.
2. Take a look at the subject. Start counting.
3. Take note of these details:
  • Any boyfriend/dad/husband/bodyguard/paid mercenaries et cetera (if yes, stop procedure, evacuate; if no, go on)
  • Hair/head scarf
  • Facial appearance: skin tone, possible ethnicity match
  • Above-the-neck accessories: necklace, earrings et cetera
  • Apparels: shoes, bags, fashion bracelet et cetera
  • Overall appearance: height, fat content, possible weight
4. Stop. Get back to initial head position. This part is time-critical.
5. Wait until interval time is satisfied before re-establishing surveillance.


Good luck, and Godspeed.

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