Wednesday, January 27, 2010



If only I have what it takes to let you know about this with me standing before you in real life, physically.

If only.

Nevertheless I hope this will somehow reach your doorstep someday somewhat. Let's hope that it will.

So here goes.

* * *


If only I have the power to take you around with me flying over the open skies to see the world down below just to make you smile again. Just the two of us, going through white cotton-candy clouds, above the stormy weather at the bottom just so that the sun will always shines on you from rise to set, and the stars and the moon to blanket your lonely, cold nights with blinking happiness and the sort. We will fly pass rainbows and open wide oceans and high, icy mountains, the meadows and the plains, the arctics and the deserts. Just the two of us.


If only I have the power that enables me to protect you from harmful beings, blanketing you through difficult situations and ensuring your survival at all conditions even though my life will be the cost. If only I could silent all the thundering storms that are coming your way and stand in front of you to halt the incoming typhoon from taking you away. If only I could battle all the rampaging monsters that each time cause you endless heartbreaks - I shall sink my bare hands through their chests and pull out their hearts alive in front of their eyes just to let them know how cold sober I am with my sworn an oath to stand by and protect you from these creatures.


If only I could summon unicorns and fluffy jackrabbits in magnificent imperial gardens in order to fill your empty days with some bits of laughter and such, just in case when I am not available to be with you, when I am away to fight off the rampaging monsters earlier mentioned so that you won't be lonely at all while waiting for me to arrive at your door just right when the day ends. I will ensure that you will have the most expensive foods and drinks and desserts to be served upon you before being asked, prepare you a cushy bed with cotton, dove-feathers and water layers in it in a room at the top of the castle where cold breeze slowly blows to your comfort, with the bath and the restroom fully supplied with the freshes mountain spring of its kind, and roses and gardenias and tulips and ivories and dahlias surrounding your whereabouts, just so that you will feel extremely convenient and cozy in order to stay for just a little bit longer with me.


If only I know the ways to preserve your smiles that color my cloudy days as instantly like water does to a ply of tissue paper. If only I know how the exact way to and that I could make you smile and laugh and look as cheerful as I was every time I saw you in that mood.

If only I could.

But you,

I am no Superman, nor I ever own any flying jet plane to fly you around. All I could do is to make you sit next to me while I fly my simulator plane while you chuckle every time I panic when the plane goes out of control. The closest I could get to to a jet plane is for us to lie on the grass in the open field while watching planes taking off and landing next to KLIA active runway during sunrise and sunset, and the closest we could get to see stars and moon is when we lie on the beach at night next to next without even a word being spoken. And the rest of the places that I wish I could bring you to could only be seen in the form of photographs from those who have been lucky enough to be there.

But you,

I am no superhero. At times, I could be helpless and more or less useless to your problems for I do not have a total control over life. But I could always listen to your problems and sit next to you even though all I could do is to nod each time you end a sentence. Maybe too I will pat your back and hug you from your spearing disappointments and dry your tears using the shirt I am wearing at the time. And maybe I could put a hand on your head and let it lies on my shoulder each time you go speechless over life. I will always be there for you.

But you,

There is no way now that I could come out with a home for myself, let alone a castle full of dreamy things for the both of us. But I promise I will try my best to get those things as closely as it is, just to show that I am capable of doing so, other than to ensure a shelter is there for any of us should one day we pass some hard times where all we want to do is to stay away from the world for just a moment or two. I could have never come out with a small garden of petunias, let alone an imperial one full with blooming blossoms for you, but I could always buy you a rose or two just so that you can hold them and be proud of me. I could have never too to come out with caviar and lobsters whatsoever, but I could always drive you to places to eat each time you are hungry.

And you,

I promise that I will work hard to make sure that my life will be full of prospects and promises, and that I will one day be able to secure our safety for years to come with enough comfort to enable the both of us to sleep at night without worries at all. I will work hard to ensure that there will be foods on the table and enough cash to pay the bills and the shoes and the dresses you would like to possess.

But you,

You could have never see me from this distance, let alone notice my appearance from where you stand, for that there are better men from which I believe have reached an extensive level even I could have never been able to reach at this given amount of time.

You could have never consider me as your man, though at times you did show me that I worth something in your life.

Tonight I forget the way how to sleep, for I was awaken by your miseries and how useless I am to provide you with what you need. How helpless I am to solve your problems, let alone make you feel better from the hard days you have been going through. How sad I was when I listened to your stories whatsoever, and how sad I was to know that I am nothing worths a help to you but just to listen to you and in the same time I died a little inside to know that that man did not only appreciate you but he hurt you so bad that you became like that.

How I wish I could let you know how angry I was and still am that my fists shake vigorously, my veins pop out from my forehead and my eyes go red from this burning anger in my head. How I feel that my ears are flaming and my chest is firing up fast and my teeth are grinding from thinking over what he did to you.

But then, would it be me you were thinking about tonight?

Oh you.

1 comment:

shera said...

siapa jack?