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Mighty Jacksparrow is an Earth-based sub-intergalactic blogger who enjoys writing and in the same time entertaining his ever-amusing will-kill-to-read fans with sensationally hilarious and at times dramatic musings. This blog offers endless ideas and results; they might be charming most of the times but could be offending in some others. Therefore, it is always noble to remind that if you enjoy the pieces, carry on reading, but if they upset you, do quietly leave like the evening breeze and not like exploding diarrhea, which exactly what you will look like if you ever lose it on me. Enjoy! :D

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

He What...?!


I came back from work earlier and like I usually did I went through the online newspaper to update myself with the current and latest news available.

And then I stumbled upon this:

KUALA LUMPUR 5 Mei – Sekumpulan remaja yang menyamun sebuah premis menerima padah apabila salah seorang daripada mereka ditembak polis dalam satu kejadian di sebuah kafe siber di Jalan Genting Klang di sini awal pagi ini.

Dalam kejadian kira-kira pukul 3.10 pagi itu, dua anggota polis berpakaian preman yang ditugaskan untuk menjalankan rondaan di kawasan itu masuk ke dalam kafe siber berkenaan dan pergi ke tandas.

Sebaik keluar dari tandas, kedua-dua mereka terkejut apabila premis terbabit bertukar kecoh apabila tujuh lelaki bersenjatakan parang menjerit-jerit serta menghunus dan melibas senjata yang dibawa mereka.

Kesemua suspek yang menyamun kafe siber itu menggunakan pelbagai jenis senjata seperti pedang samurai, parang panjang, parang pemotong daging, kapak, gergaji dan pisau. - Utusan Online

So I said, alright. That's pretty bold but overall stupid thing to do, nothing really impressive in this world today. Robbing a cyber cafe with knives, long blades, meat cutter and handsaw. Wait, what?



A handsaw?


* * *

Listed below are the images of different types of saw that might have been possibly used by one of the kids during the attempt of robbery. Let's see which one might have fit:



1. A saw blade connected to a vinyl-plastic holder. Terrific choice. The people you are robbing might break down and cry once they see you holding this one - from laughter, not from terror.

Fear Factor: 1/10
Joke Factor: 8/10
Comment: Only effective when used to rob underage kids.



2. A powerful, fearsome electric-powered circular saw. Not only this thing cuts into most daily materials, it also cuts your chance to rob a store due to its weight and noise while doubling your effective robbing time. Let's just wish they have power outlets at the store you are about to rob.

Fear Factor: 5/10
Joke Factor: 5/10
Comment: Not to be used outdoor where power outlet is scarce.



3. An elaborate, long saw with detachable metal-carbide saw blade. Included with rubber grip holder, this piece of equipment is only efficient to cut small piece of materials. Use this at a robbery and they will think you are the plumber they have been calling since yesterday and finally pop at their door.

Fear Factor: 2/10
Joke Factor: 8/10
Comment: Good luck with the clogged toilet while you're at it, though.





4. A circular, metal-carbide cutting blade. Not only it shines your way through, it also increases your chance to cut yourself up when used.

Fear Factor: 4/10
Joke Factor: 7/10
Comment: Unless you're Batman, just keep this at home.
5. A much simpler and shorter version of pipe saw. This one is commonly used by butchers to cut body segments of carcasses. It consumes a lot of energy when used. The only good thing about this one is that it is lightweight, and...well that's about it.

Fear Factor: 2/10
Joke Factor: 8/10
Comment: Probably useful if you happen to plan to help the victims' moms at the kitchen once you're done with them.



6. A typical wood saw with flexible saw blade. This works well with most wood types and the grip is greatly designed to improve precision and effectiveness in cutting. However due to its relatively large size, it is quite hard to conceal.

Fear Factor: 2/10
Joke Factor: 8/10
Comment: If it's hot, you can always use this as alternative hand fan to cool yourself down and perhaps the victims too.


7. A terrifying, super-duper powerful diesel-powered handheld chainsaw. This could cut an elephant into two in less than a minute. Not only this one will cause your victims to run in terror, it will also make the cops get to you faster than ever due to its intolerable noise.

Fear Factor: 9/10
Joke Factor: 5/10
Comment: Only use this outdoor, or risk dying from exhaust gas poisoning.


* * *

Whoever that guy was, he must have been kidding. Seriously, how would you expect to rob a place with a handsaw?

Gosh I really wish that the one who got shot was the one with the handsaw.


Ed Gein had too much drink before he set off to rob a local
7-Eleven store last week.


4 comments:

juzz mean zule said...

yes jack. heard it from the radio just now.bole i ckp..BODO nye budak.geram sbb diorg tu bodo.sakit hati je.

Muhd Aizuddin said...

Bro, 1st picture is Gerber. They produced top of the line multi-tools. Check out their military blades. Awesome stuff.

Oh and that particular blade in the 1st picture is a gawd dang killer. Sawed my fingers, made myself a straight, deep parallel cut. The mom, the pointer and and the fuck-you.

The cut was exactly like your train track with blood. Take a closer look at the blade: http://is.gd/bV5SI

My own Gerber pic btw.

You certainly don't want to mess with this small fucker.

Mighty Jacksparrow said...

Jazmin: Oh well.

Din: Yea bro. I have one myself too. It can cause disastrous cut, sure, but unless you are anyway close to at least 1-meter radius with the victim then maybe it starts not to be a good weapon, especially when your opponent has a golf club in his hand. nevertheless, this saw is perfect to one messy ambush.

especially to the throat.

weda said...

wt d heaven on earth do they expect to get robbing a CC? yeah the till may have lotsa money to offer but cmon, its a CC! no cc is located in isolation so surely public cud c em anyway aite?