Thursday, May 13, 2010

A Little Bit of Stress & A Little Bit of Fun

If there is anything that I would want to have at this time of the day, it would be time.

My time.

Days have been pretty rough at work these days. Thousands of Ringgit worth of machineries and auxiliary equipments kept on arriving at the laboratory, and I being the one responsible to supervise the installations, commissioning, operation, maintenance and storage of these engineering instruments had to work at an even faster pace as to ensure that everything goes well as planned. At times I only had a few hours worth of sleep and most of the time I have to skip my meals just so that I could complete one task before moving to another.

I have been losing my own time with myself. I couldn't afford to spend anytime at all with my past-time activities; whacking golf balls into the open lake at the club, swimming at the lake terrace pools, photography, reading, and many more things I discovered worth my time doing to keep myself at peace. All that I could do was to write and to play guitar whenever I found myself free, which usually won't last long.

I am a very simple man.

Coming back home after a hard day's work, there is nothing more pleasant to me than to spend some time alone, or perhaps only with close friends. Because I see my time past 5 o'clock as personal time, though my routine of work hardly permits so, and I would really want to spend the time wisely until I am back to work again. Usually I don't entertain any SMS, phone call, internet instant messages and even email unless they are grave important.

But I recently discovered that by doing so I have offended many people. It saddened me that each time I didn't reply their messages whatsoever, they assumed that I was having my attention on somebody else from which I supposed must have appeared very superior to their existences in my life. The problem is, I wasn't paying attention to anybody, including these people who at the current time appeared to be very mad at me.


Please, really. I hope you understand. All I asked for was my own sweet time to spend on my own, doing things I enjoy and to put my mind at ease from tiring events I experience daily. And the cost of it would be my entire attention to everyone around me.

I fully understand that some of you are very keen to getting to know me better as a person and not only as only a blog writer. I do appreciate the effort. But the thing is that I don't have enough time for even myself, hence the inability for me to entertain most of your messages and all, though at times I did reply all of them.

Please do not accuse me of things that I do not have even the slightest intention to do. In the past few days, I was not being a super egoistical big timer who only entertains certain people by his own method of selection. Neither too I was running from anyone nor running towards anything. I was just being idle, that's all.

Therefore please do not take it personally if I have to come out with reasons that I need time for myself alone each time you send me messages, or worst, I don't reply at all. And please do forgive me if my replies have caused certain uneasiness in any of you, for it wasn't intentional and were only caused by my ever suppressing stress level.

So stop assuming that whenever your messages are not replied, it means that I am having my eyes and mind on other people, or even more surprising, a special woman. No. There's no such thing like a special woman in my life, at least not yet. If I happen to have one soon, I'll let you know. For now, I rather spend my time playing guitar or feeding the kittens at the residential area than to spend my time with a woman who promises no promises.

To those who replied in anger and accused me to having my attentions somewhere else other than on them, I hope you're happy now, because you just blew it. By doing so you did not only push me away but you gave me strong reasons why I have to keep myself away from you. I'm sorry, but I guess I have to leave those who were being too rebellious out of the ark, in order to keep peace and balance in it as to ensure that everyone else is not affected, directly and indirectly. I have to protect everyone else who I personally favor for their infinite patience and supports regardless of me being all but visible all these while.

Because these are the people who really deserve my endless, golden attention. Thank you for understanding and for being there for me.

To you stalkers who somewhat followed my activities around in Twitter and Facebook, I hope that you reveal yourself because I appreciate people who have what it takes to stand on their ground to face me.

To those who accused me of things, I'd like to help you out. So...which way did you come in again?

* * *

"I hate the light. I hate the light, it makes me a star. I'm no better than anyone else."
Emmet of Butterfingers.

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