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Mighty Jacksparrow is an Earth-based sub-intergalactic blogger who enjoys writing and in the same time entertaining his ever-amusing will-kill-to-read fans with sensationally hilarious and at times dramatic musings. This blog offers endless ideas and results; they might be charming most of the times but could be offending in some others. Therefore, it is always noble to remind that if you enjoy the pieces, carry on reading, but if they upset you, do quietly leave like the evening breeze and not like exploding diarrhea, which exactly what you will look like if you ever lose it on me. Enjoy! :D

Monday, August 16, 2010

Oh! Natalia's Screech Boom Bang & A Missing Ball


This entry has no picture that could clearly explain what this entry is all about. Therefore, I will try my very best to come out with very detailed writing in order for the readers to easily visualize things as close as possible to what I could remember. 

And this story includes yet another fascinating event where my balls were once again threatened against their will.

At precisely around 8.00pm yesterday, Miss Neyra Shazeyra and Miss Juliet Anna were stranded in Medan Kidd's intra-state bus station in quite a heavy rain after finding out that they could not get back to Seri Iskandar due to the uninformed change in the bus schedule. Knowing that I could definitely not reject a call for help, they sent me a number of SOS in terms of phone text messages in order to bait my attention to attend to their cries for rescue. 

Let's skip the part where I took bath in a rush that I left the bath before the water drops from the shower were able to land on me. 

Driving in such heavy rain was not a difficulty to me for the windscreen wipers on Natalia, that is a name I recently gave to my Honda to add an effect of affection on her, were quite brand new. Natalia manages to cut travel on the high speed lane at a constant speed of 100km/h unless there were obstacles in front. I kept a distance of n-feet from any vehicle in front of me, where n is any number from the numeric system that directly represents my current speed. That means, if I was travelling at 100km/h, the gap between me and the car/motorbike/lorry/bus/motorboat/Boeing in front of me was kept at 100 feet. This will ensure that I have ample distance to apply on the brake and make a safe stop/escape from any trouble should the car in front changes its speed in a sudden. 

With this maneuver, I was able to get to Medan Kidd in around half and hour. 

After picking the stranded ladies up, who at the time looked so tired and bored and somewhat excited when they saw me, I decided to go to Tesco in order to grab some stuffs and bite something up, for the only thing I had consumed during breakfast earlier was a very decent cup of homemade black coffee and a stick of Virginian tobacco cigarette. This decision resulted to me getting back into the main road that heads towards the center of town, a road that led me to the front of the town's railway station.

As I was getting there, my speed was around 80km/h for that there was no car in front of me. The weather was clear and the rain had stopped. I was very steady at behind the wheel and was very alert to my environment, and I could assure all of you that the road was at its safest condition to travel on except for the wet surface that decreased the efficiency of the tires to grip perfectly. The road, as it was, was very safe.

Until it happened.

As I reached the crossroad just before the train station, out of nowhere came a car - a black Proton Iswara Aeroback - crossing at a perpendicular angle to me from my right, trying to get into the road that leads to the train station on my left, whereby I was already at the time reaching the center of the crossroad. Seeing this, I slammed on the brake, pressed on the horn and maneuvered the steering just so that Natalia won't swerve or roll or rotate or do other various types of impressive acrobatics ever seen made by a car at the cost of its passengers. Natalia missed the goddamn car by merely inches, less than two feet (24 inches), I'd say. Tires were screeching and Natalia went out of course at a small angle causing the car to swerve at a very awkward way but somehow was the reason why it could escape the head-on collision. 

I checked for the cars behind me and saw that two of them went out of course as well as to avoid from hitting Natalia's bottom, which I reckon has to be very rude for Natalia is a girl, and to hit on a girl's bottom is a very rude thing to do unless permitted to. I pressed on the gas, gave a left signal and stopped the vehicle at the side of the road before checking on the car's condition and the passengers' too. Other than being shocked a quarter-way to death and froze in motion, the ladies appeared to be alright. As for me, I was so terrorized that one of my balls actually dropped to the floor of the car and went missing even until now.

I wanted to wait for that idiotic driver to come out at the exit of the train station's compound so that I could stop and bash the hell out of him/her/it but I found it to be utterly unnecessary despite his/her/its driving could kill us some seconds back. I definitely knew that if I went out of the car that moment, things will turn to be very, very ugly and I of course did not want that to happen, for I was wearing my favorite shirt and I was afraid it will get dirty. Plus, I saw one of the avoiding cars behind me just now took a rushing emergency corner into the train station's road, which I assumed was in the pursuit to find that mother-effing car and settle the unfinished business on behalf of me and other innocent drivers. So I drove back into the main lane and made my move.

You could call me a coward if that helps you sleep at night. 

The ladies went way too quiet for some time and later I found out that they were laughing, burping, having hiccups and snorting while in conversations - an indication of a post-incident trauma that caused them to go crack in order to stabilize their shattered emotions and whatnot back to an acceptable level. This continued even until I sent one of the girl back to her colleague's house, a place we all spent an hour or so to find because the colleague kept on telling us to go 'straight, don't corner corner, and nothing but straight only' in order to find her house. We ended up at dead end, a large drain, some smaller drains, someone's house, a football field, a road divider, a restaurant, some pedestrians, a sleeping dog, a cemetery and other small things that made travelling straight to be largely impossible, hence the time taken to find her house. 

Overall, I'd say that sometimes when accident happens, it is mostly because of the mere stupidity of some drivers who could either be the results from too much in-breeding going on in the family that caused them to only be able to acquire IQs of only two-digit numbers, or have brains made up from clays and spaghettis, or simply are so unbelievably dumb that even a tag team of a retarded dung beetle and a dead cockroach could outsmart them in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. 

Though still shocked from the unfortunate occurrence, I thank you Lord for letting me be in one piece still and not in pieces like smashed jigsaw puzzles, for letting me and the two ladies alive amidst our sins to Thee. I thank the guardian angels and luck as well, and I thank the ability of my rather empty mind to actually think up of something real quick (that goes back to Thee o' Lord) and I thank Natalia for being able to brave up to quite a near-miss disaster and for saving us today; quite a show of courage shown by a 13-year old car. Thank you all of you, thank you, thank you.





When the sun comes up, remind me to retrieve my missing ball from under the seat later.


5 comments:

neyra shazeyra said...

(laughing: hahahahaha herrrkkk uuppp. errppp. *sedu sedan ku*)

ngeee~ the best moment ever with our hero JackSparrow and his car, Natalia. ahaks. Tq, nazmi. even kita gaduh2 petang tu macam hape je but u still tolong i.

never met accident before. semalam kira accident la jugak kan? paling ngeri sbb i mimpi2 kereta tu smlm. cilaks betol kereta tu. terkejut i ta sempat pakai seat belt.

btw,

errr, where's ur ball? still searching for it? hahahahah

lizz said...

i cant stop laughing at ur car's name lah. Natalia is such a da' bomb name 4 car. later, i will giv my cabuk myvi a name too!!!hahahaha.

oh ya, glad and thank to God. Natalia n "her" owner saved my fren's life lah.wooo. hebat!hehehe

Nasih Muslim said...

according to my wrist watch now, it shows exactly 11.48am. and have you found your ball, bro? ahhaha

btw, thank God you and the two girls are safe, without getting any injury.

neyra shazeyra said...

lizz and nasih, kalau aku mati smlm gara-gara natalia cium kete cilaks tu, aku dah dtg jadi hantu cari nazmi ahahhaa

miza said...

this is a story of near-accident but i'm still laughing.

astounding. haha