Tuesday, January 11, 2011


I just don't get it.

Before we proceed, I would like to state that there are so many things that I don't exactly get the ideas behind them but nevertheless happen in this world daily. For instance, how women can experience mood changes in less than a split second, why some people hum very tedious and cheerful march songs while peeing and the all-time puzzling and mind-riddling question of why exactly did the chicken cross the road? and the sort of other troubling questions that otherwise answered will always be the reason why my mind gets cracked up every now and then. So bear with me on this one because, trust me my dear readers, it will unknowingly happen again. 


So let's move on.

Imagine that you are walking into your room one midsummer morning and see your _____ (choose from the following: roommate/friend/sibling/parent/partner/soul/other human elements) sitting on your chair with both legs resting on top of your table while one hand digging the nose, one hand is inside the pants scratching the butt and doing a couple of other things too such as peeping on the girl next door hanging her undies on outdoor cloth hangers, slapping an unfortunate mosquito against the wall flat, burping and humming that one stupid song you wish you'll never have to listen to again, and worst, farting and trying to match the keynotes of that stupid song that was hummed earlier with the neverending supply of morning gas supply. 

Digging for gold. Whoaa damn syiok you know.

And then you ask that person, "what are you doing?"

And the reply will usually be, "nothing."

Nothing. How exactly can that be? Clearly he (or she, depending on the gender of this case victim) was digging his nose, scratching his butt, smacking a mosquito right on and squashed it into a million pieces of smearing blood and inner guts, peeping on the girl next door, burping, humming, farting and trying to perform an orchestral performance using nothing but his wet-sounding farts. Clearly he was doing all those but nothing.  

I am sure most of you have gone through the same experience. 

So it occurred to me, really, that why exactly we choose to say from time to time that we were doing nothing when asked? 

"Hello laling. Sorry ah calling you at night. I damn horny la. Eh what you doing? Nothing? Nothing ah? Serious?"

"Yo bro, aku nampak kau kat opis tadi sibuk-sibuk. Kau buat apa? Tak ada apa-apa? Serious?"

"So what did you do the whole weekend at home, that was two days long? Nothing? Serious?

Sometimes, this occurs too to places. For instance, let's take a look at the conversation below in Malay:

"Kau keluar ke tadi? Kau pergi mana beb?"

"Tak pergi mana pun dowh! Dah la hujan. Aku pergi kompleks je tadi. Then aku lepak mamak tunggu hujan berhenti. Pastu pergi pickup barang jap kat ofis. Time on the way balik tadi rasa macam nak singgah kedai Janda Bontot Besar tu kejap. Lepas lepak, aku terus chiow balik sini. Tapi sebelum tu aku singgah 7-E kejap beli rokok. Jumpa plak brader jual ikan tu. Dia ajak plak lepak kedai ikan dia. Then sebab hujan dah reda sikit, dia ajak pergi mancing udang plak kat sungai besar tu. Then baru la aku balik. Takde pergi mana pun. Hujan."

Kau tak pergi mana-mana pun? Serious?

Has it ever occurred to you before?

What is it? Come again? I can't hear you. What did I eat that made me come out with this kind of crazy example of completely useless and absolutely rubbish thoughts on nothing? Nothing. Serious!

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