Sunday, March 20, 2011

Heartbreak Warfare

"What are you, a girl?"

He looked straight at her face as she uttered those unexpected words out from between her cherry lips. His face turned slightly red. 

"Well I am quite sure you know that I am definitely not one," he replied while tapping the ash off his cigarette into the ashtray. He felt rather disturbed inside his chest from those words he just heard, and in the attempt to cover up his changing color, he threw his eyes to the large army of thick clouds that were coming their way, bringing with them thunder and lightning, and plentiful of rain. Realizing his changing bits, she cleared her throat and carefully arranged her words in order not to cause anymore disturbance to the man she had known for almost three years. 

"Listen, awak," she spoke to him as her eyes toned down greatly as she leaned a little bit forward and closer to him, showing her helpless concerns for him. "I have had enough of looking at you this way. It hurts me damn well the way it hurts you."

"And I am sorry for that," he replied. 

"For what?"

"For my unhappiness had affected you greatly over all these years."

"No, you, my God." She buried her face into her palm and paused there for a while. "Damn it you're missing the point."

She threw herself back to the chair and crossed her arms. Her eyes flamed in her anger. He looked at her quietly, waiting for more to come. But she just couldn't say not even a single word in her fury. This was not the first time he did this. This definitely was not the first time.

Not the first time at all.

* * *

As she could barely recall, they both met some three years back at a wedding of a friend where she was serving as a bridesmaid, and coincidentally, he was the best man of the groom. After spending a few long minutes alongside the newly-wed, they exchanged glances and then words and then phone numbers. And from there they went on.

But the thing was that, he was a shy man. He didn't talk much, nor he did ever made the first move. It always embarrassed her to think that she was the person who asked for his phone number and later called him for the first time. At first she thought he was being an absolute arse for not showing even the slightest sign of affection for her, for she was, in other men's perspectives, a hell of a catch. 

Maybe probably he himself was quite a winning trophy. Almost hitting 180cm tall, he has a wide chest and quite an athlete body. His arms were muscular, and so were his legs. His skin was dark, showing that he had been spending time under the sun, and this brought her attention to the most for she never liked fair-skinned me, for she thought that these kind of men spend their times only at home like girls do, becoming as pale as a Cullen. His hair was thick and nicely put to appearance. And this made her heart beat like a crazy, ramming engine. 

Every time her eyes laid on him, she felt a little bit, no, a lot, hot in her. 

She had tried much for his attention but failed miserably. There was one time that she was so pissed, she stopped calling him for about a month before he, miraculously, called her and asked her out for coffee. Unfortunately, even though she did go out with him (note that this too was also the first time they went out together), she realized that he never really had herself in him. To him she was invincible. And this caused her to undergo some long months of depressions, unknown to him due to her great theatrical play whenever the went out again after that, as friends. 

As friends.

Despite her state of devastation, she decided to let him go and stopped hoping for the best, for the best did not always happen. In the time frame of three years since she first knew him, she ended up with three men she thought he would be happy to spend her life with, only in the end that they all turned out to be a bunch of absolute arse, only at a higher degree than the man she was currently looking at - the man she had always wanted, but lost in the most painful way. In the end, she resorted back to seeing this man here she always adored, but still as a friend. It broke her heart quite badly.

On the other hand, he, in the course of the same three damn years, stayed as single as a daffodil.

However he did tell her about two girls he liked the most, one at a time, but he didn't have quite the guts to approach, let alone do anything further than just observing them from far away. And this surely pissed the hell out of her. He just didn't know how to approach a woman properly, even though he had what it takes to bring down a lion in a single blow. How lucky those girls were to have his attentions, and how unlucky they were for he was much of a chicken. But in a way or another, she was glad too. 

Because he was still single.

But today he asked her out, again, to discuss on the third girl he had his eyes on for a while now.

* * *

"Alright," she said. "Tell me about this third girl."

He coughed a little. "What third girl?"

The girl you are currently wanting, you dumb ass. She wanted to say that but she held herself back. Instead, she replied, "the lady you like."

"Oh," he said. "There is no third girl, nor there was a second. She's still the same first girl."

Oh, great. He was always in love with this one girl. She felt a little bit shaken from these two events: to know that all these while there was only one girl, and to know that he was in love with that lucky one. She felt like punching him in the stomach.

"You have to tell her that you like her and stuffs, you know" she said in a controlled voice. "Or you'll lose her for the third time."

"And how do I say that?"

"Just say it to her. Call her up or something. Ask her out. Tell her your feelings."

"My feelings?"

"Yes." Yes you piece of sorry sweet pie. "Tell her how you feel for her."

A silent pause. He looked confused. She started to boil.

"Okay, okay," she said. "Let's do it like this as a practice. Pretend that I am the girl, and that we both are now on a date. What would you say to me?"

"Err," he replied monotonically. "It's going to rain?"

She looked at him with her eyes enlarged while slowly clenching both her fists in frustrations.

"Alright, alright," he said. "Let's try again, okay? Let's try again." 

"Okay." She said. "Hold my hands," she instructed him, and awkwardly he did. She felt warm as his skin touched hers. Rain started to pour and the wind blew gently. 

"Okay." He cleared his throat and looked at her in the eyes. She felt slightly embarrassed. 

"Awak," he said. "If there are only words that could describe my feelings for you. A little too long of a time has gone through since I laid my eyes on you; on your beautiful smiles, your long hair, your charming eyes and your heartwarming laughter. It has been too long of a time too since I first felt this urges in me, trapped and struggling to escape, but failed I have all along these devastating days, to tell you exactly how I feel for you, how I craved to see you smile and how badly I wanted to hear your laughter. I have hurt myself in loving you from far away, and I can barely take this pain anymore, for it is unbearably difficult for me to live each day so far away from having you by my side. And I ought you to know that my love for you is real; unchallenged, strong, warm and big, all for you and only you. It took me long enough to be here in front of you as a man I am, as long as it took me to arrange these humble words of mine, for your kindness to consider, beyond all you can, to take me as your man."

Her jaw dropped. She looked as if she was just being electrocuted. She froze in moments. That has got to be the most beautiful thing she ever heard since the day she was born.

"You?" he asked her. "You alright?" He shook her hands a little. 

"Ah," she pulled her hands fast. "Yes. Yes I believe I am."

"So how was it?"

How was it? Was that even a question? You almost caused me a damn heart attack! 

"Well," she replied. "It was great. I think you should tell that to her."

"I'm not sure what her reactions would be like."

"Well you have to try at least, don't you? At least she knows. Whatever happens after that, don't bother yet."

"I'm a little bit afraid, honestly."

"I doubt it that she will reject your proposition."

"What if?"

"Then it will be her loss. Why are you so much of a chicken? Go and tell her that."

"Look, it's not that I am a chicken whatsoever. It's just that I'm a bit cautious."

"Look," she raised her voice as she was losing her mind. "You've got to TRY. Go out and try! You'll never win anything by sitting and wishing for better things!" 

"I know. But..."

"But what?!" She stood up. By now it was only a matter of time before she would slap him. "There are no promises in these things! There are no promises in love! Look at me! Look at how I lost my loved ones! All the men I loved!"

Including you. And this caused her tears to start to form in her anger and frustration.

"Don't be like me. Don't believe that love will end in fairy tale. I have loved. I have let love go. All I did was to try. I lost them all, yes, but at least I tried!"

He sat in silence. The rain started to pour heavily, just like her tears to flow down increasingly more, endlessly.

"Now," she pressed on her tone to give him some sort of a warning. "Will you go and tell her that? Tell me now!"

Will you go and tell her that girl how precious she was to you all these years, and put an end to my sufferings from seeing you not seeing me, from hating the way you did not love me? Please, I beg you, end all these. End my sleepless nights. End my flowing tears. End my everything, end my me. Will you, will you now, end me, and tell her that girl that you love her?

He looked at her in silence, his mellow eyes made her tears flowed more as she helplessly trying to hold them back. Time seemed to freeze around that table under that large cafe umbrella, surrounded with pouring rain. He admired her for a little while in utter surprise, before he carved a smile along his masculine lips.

"Well I just did."


Zuraida said...

if only in life such things can happen...


Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

thing is, it cannot.

miza said...

stupid man took long time to tell her that. good thing she's pining on him. other girl would just marry other guy.

Mohamad Nazmi Zaidi said...

He wasn't being stupid. His motives were fairly shaded by his false intentions. All his moves were very much precalculated, and they succeeded.

It was a very smart move.

Come to think of it, that man wouldn't just marry some other girls.