Thursday, May 05, 2011

The Reverse of Love

The reverse of love is not hate. 

There comes a time in some couples' lives where the departure of one party leads to the destruction of another. This departure, often known as a breakup (divorce in some cases), may be voluntary but most of the time were done not in agreement of both party. And due to this departure, each of the lovers, now known to each other as each other's ex-lover, will usually experience mixed feelings. One of these mixed feelings is hatred. 

Hatred is a deep and emotional extreme dislike, directed against a certain object or class of object [Wikipedia]. In this case, the object is the ex-lover, and the class of object has to be something associated to the ex-lover. At some point, the class of object could jump to the most extreme, and that is how some women hate men and some men hate women - both in the class of gender. It is not impossible for a heartbroken female to swear not to fall in love with men again, not even one of them, only after an experience or two with different men. And of course, the reverse too. 

Aristotle saw hate as the desire to annihilate an object and is incurable by time. This intense feeling of hatred has the ability to grow and get more intense over a period of time, given that the feeling is supplied with necessary amplifications, and due to the fact that it is incurable by time, there shall be no end to it. One can hate one whole life. 

That's their choice. 

But there's a catch to hatred - it consumes energy and inner spiritual solace. No hating men are peaceful inside, and no men who is not peaceful inside, is peaceful outside. The cost of hatred, though varies, is mostly high. This includes the deterioration of self sanity and emotion, and even the physical health. At the end of the day, it can be concluded as a self destruction. The amount of hatred generated may also vary depending on the object the feeling is directed against, but nothing could be powerful like hatred directed against love.

People think that the reverse of love is hate. 

They think that if yesterday they loved their lovers and today when their lovers fucked up (or they themselves fucked up) the lovers decide to leave. and ergo they think that today instead of loving their lovers, they will hate them (now ex-lovers). They think that by hating, they could match the amount of love that was once showered upon their exes. They see it as a way of taking a revenge. They think it worths it. 

But does it?

By loving a person, one will make a room in their head to store memories about this beloved person to commemorate the importance of this person in one's life. We always remember about our lovers, they always stay in our heads. But should one day they leave, do they still deserve to stay in our heads? No. So how do we remove these allocated memories of them away? By hating? Well is it by hating?


The reverse of love is not hate. It is indifference. To have no feelings at all towards the object one once loved. By hating an ex, it will only make the memories the ex carved in your head during when both of you were in a relationship to be imprinted even more clearer. This shows that everything that they do still matter to you. THEY still matter to you. Because you allow yourself to keep them in your head. If they don't matter to you, then you shall have no feelings for them anymore. Not even hate. 

Nothing at all.

Slowly peace will come to you and all memories will be wiped away in time. You choose not to remember nor having any feeling towards the exes anymore, and this means you are not stranded from any affecting memories, however sweet, however bitter, however memorable. And you will grow into a better person.

When that happens, you are as free as Andy Dufresne:

"...who crawled through a river of shit, and came out clean on the other side."

So don't hate your exes, no matter how fucked up the things they did to you. And don't love them either. Just feel nothing. Nothing at all. 

p/s: my first ex is getting married this Sunday. People ask me what do I feel about it. Well, nothing.

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