Sunday, December 25, 2011

Another Year

Just a few more days till the end of the year. 

And just like every other end of year we say goodbyes to the current and then anticipate for a new beginning as the new year slowly gets closer. New hopes appear, old ones resurface. Joyful feelings will cover our sorrows on that day, even when only for a short meaningful while. The squares will be filled with mixed crowds, all nervously waiting for the countdown to the new beginning. New dreams begin to bloom; nightmares die in agony. Many stories will be shared; many secrets ready to unfold. Like spring, the new year promises many fortunes to come to those in need. 

It has been a long year.

Many things happened to me on this eleventh year of the second millennium. Strange, just when I think about it, that I was at the highest peak and the lowest pit of my life both at the same time. Too many things to remember, too many too to forget. Life comes flashing before my eyes like a movie without a sound. Still pictures all around. Some of these memories are easily erasable; some of them stick to me like super glue. Some of them are too easy to let go; some of them I would want to keep for myself, or, boy, I don't know what to do.

There could never be one single thing that could wholly express my feelings about this year, for they are mixed from one extreme to another. And these mixed feelings often contribute to my own state of confusion; about just how my life had started from one hopeful point and end up like this right here. But of course, life has its own method of having things its way without giving not even half a chance for you to assume a full control of it.  Life is just a game where it ends when you die. If you are still alive, you've gotta keep playing. Worst, never with your own rules. 

Nothing much can summarize my year this time around. But let's go through from the positive ones first. 

I finally get my Masters of Science in Mechanical Engineering by Research after three years worth of effort. How very great. I too have been involved much in the political scenes where I have appeared before crowds and press as the SSLK UMNO Youth Information Chief. I've been in and out of the country too. My research papers started to be read and quoted internationally. Invitations came like nobody's business from various academicians and groups of interests. And now I am continuing with my PhD in Mechanical Engineering, and by the look of it I might be able to complete it just shy of a few months before I become 30 years old. 

I could have never felt any better. 

But on the other hand, there were also things that for all that mattered were very painful to endure. I have stood to see just how how my relationship was torn up to pieces before my very own eyes just weeks before things were to settle down for good. I have had myself on my knees from these unbelievable sights one after another. Had myself any idea of how badly it was to end, I would have never at all proceeded with it. Strange, just how I have strove this far only to see that things I wanted did not at all materialize. Nevertheless this entirely unfortunate event has to be faced with bravery and courage, and for all that happened I did not regret any of it, for every time spent on the entire affair was all well worth it. 

At this point I am not very sure if being single is a good or a bad thing. But all I know is that I am now back to square one all over again, and chances are that things are going to be this way for some time until I am fully healed from these battle wounds from such an unforeseen defeat. Better a single defeat than a final one, I supposed. Or else, let's wait for miracles to happen. 

All I hope is that my career in applied engineering research will be better in time. Perhaps my involvement in UMNO too will start to bear some anticipated results. Let us wish that I will be a alright again and perhaps even better in the near future. In one year time from now, I would want to read this post again and see just how much I have changed and just how many of my plans are fulfilled. Perhaps with what I have at the end of next year will be far much greater with less worries and heartaches.

I wanna be happier than I ever did too.

Let us all forgive and move on to yet another chapter in time, for better or worst doesn't matter, because we're already in the game and we're gonna face it together. Hey, we made it people, and we're gonna make yet another year, together. 

You with me here?

p/s: And among every other hopes too, I hope that letter will finally reach you. 

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