It's been a while, I know, I know. I have been receiving numerous notes from various people through Twitter, Facebook and email asking about why I no longer updated my blog. It's a long story, really, but let's just, for the sake of saving time and to avoid the otherwise avoidable social awkwardness, assume that I was quite busy recently that I didn't have the time to update this little blog. We'll get to that later on, but before that I'd like to wish all my readers first thing first.
It doesn't matter what brought you here in the first place. Whether you are a regular reader or a curious investigator or just someone who accidentally came stumbling upon this blog, I wish you all Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir Batin. I was meaning to post a blog entry about this raya wish sometime earlier but I didn't manage to. But here goes anyway. I apologize for my wrongdoings, my mistakes and everything that I did that you have found intolerable in your favor, in which I would simplify the cause to be none other than my errors in judgment. It took many tries in order to make a successful World Record in leaping over the vertical pole, whatever the hell that sport is called; sometimes you will not even be able to reach the pole and fall back on your face, sometimes you'll make it over but still land on your face -- only sometimes that you'll make it over and land perfectly. I have made that many tries, and just like the act of nature specifies, I only succeeded a few times. That makes me imperfect, for I have flaws and mistakes to compensate for my success. And when one makes mistakes, one must apologize. It's a fair game, the way I see it.
Perfection is never regular -- it comes at times, and when it does, it has to be well-celebrated in a going life.
|First day of Raya|
Speaking of life, mine has been improving extremely well although I had to face a certain series of unfortunate events on the way here. It took me a few blows to make me realize that I am not getting any younger, and if I don't let go of certain things that I like today, I could be in sorrow tomorrow. I have been relying much to the digital world in making my life comfortable since a few years back, especially with the emergence of Twitter and Facebook that all so suddenly the rush set in faster than expected. I forgot that there was a real life out there. That there was more to explore out there in the analogous universe than what there was in the digital world where everything is governed more or less by a click or so of a button.
I have been too indulged with the pleasures I received from the digital world of mine for way too much that I have forgotten my struggle in the real world. Well, I think that could be the real problem -- the real world may have appeared to be too challenging whilst the digital world to be slightly, if not entirely less challenging that everyone finds their own comfort in being what they are not in real life in the digital world. You can be anyone you want to be in the digital world, until sometimes you may become what you are not, even someone you will never be. I don't want to end up being something I'm not, and with this motivation I slowly returned back to my real life -- back to reality.
But that wasn't my only motivation.
Introducing Azalia, one of the best thing that occurred to me this year, perhaps the best so far, and also one of the biggest source of motivation I have now.
|Also, first day of Raya|
I first knew Azalia when I was at the bottom of my days where things weren't where they were supposed to be -- everything was in a great mess and I was in despair trying to fix things up all by myself while the world was being none other than the greatest enemy of my life. Unsupported and left out, it took me some very long hours daily sorting one thing after another, and there she was, appearing out of nowhere offering her little hand to assist me. Skeptical at first, I didn't do much to see her presence noticeable, but over time as she appears earlier each day made me succumb to the fact that she was there for a reason. Bit by bit my otherwise steeled heart began to soften, and without realizing I started to have feeling for this girl.
Well, that's about it.
But we didn't start without obstacles. Some major ones took us into a journey of complete turmoil; we fought, we screamed at each other, we apologized, we repeated. It took many days and nights in order to understand each other better, and we did. Others spoke too about our then blooming relationship, mostly about the fact that this could be another rebound after that one relationship I had that didn't turn out to be as expected. But being a grown up man myself I believe that I am ready to be involved in a new relationship without being bound to the past relationship I have lost late last year.
Things went smoothly since our first meetup sometime in June in KLCC, where I presented three critical research papers to a crowd of high end engineers (at least in the room where I was presenting). After a few cups of coffee together and an exchange of stories, we took off, but mostly in silence. It was good not to alert everyone that time (you know how our 3rd class-mentality group behaves when it comes to good, saucy stories), and we worked things out all by ourselves. With a known mutual trajectory and similar level of determination, we made it all the way here safely.
A successful management consultant in Tower 2, PETRONAS Tower, Lia (that's what I call her in public) has impressed me with her vast knowledge, her quality English, her charm and wit, her precise and fast working, and most importantly her physical height. A geologist by degree, she possessed a classy knowledge of science that I feel quite important to suit my technical thinking. She served a few purposes to me than being just a girlfriend; she is my professional manager, my secretary in business, my personal assistance in projects and my colleague in SIFE -- and she does all of these within my expected standards and sometimes beyond them. She blends well with the people I usually hang out with, and I blend well with hers. We listen to the same type of music, we love the same type of beverage, and we work with the same kind of determination. And she loves me greatly. What else could I possibly ask for? Not to mention her crazy workout regiments and her outdoor obsessions that I find extremely attractive in her.
One thing about Lia is that she's a very energetic lady who doesn't fear challenges. I have had told her that it is very challenging to be in a relationship with someone like me, particularly due to my temper, workaholic behavior, fast paces and all other traits that most women don't find them attractive at all. But Lia being Lia, instead of walking away like others always did, she stayed put and slammed all my expectations down like a fly slapper slapping an unlucky fly flat. And to make things even more interesting, she has this capacity of pushing me forward that I've started to get things done at a faster speed and at a greater quality.
She introduced me to SIFE, specifically as the technical adviser of UMS, and somewhere along the road she got me involved with the higher officials of SIFE Malaysia Alumni Network (SMAN), in which instead of focusing on only UMS, I now have the responsibility to assist all participating Malaysian universities that house SIFE teams in them. Fresh, new plans took off almost immediately, and with my participation in SMAN, I believe that I could function even better, especially when I have Lia counting on me and my works. (I work better when I know someone is counting on me). And there are a few other things that mostly will need me to work twice the usual load but at twice the efficiency. In just two months, I have achieved so many things that normally take me half a year.
But things won't always work without blessings from our parents. For this, I took the courage to go for a long journey all the way to Kedah in order to meet her family members up. Surprisingly enough, they were very, very supportive and warm. Little to my knowledge that her uncles are active in UMNO and have a very wide connection with key people in the state, and even more surprising, I once have assisted their parliamentary delegates during a private round-table session some years back, under the guidance of the Prime Minister's Office and the Ministry of Home Affairs, and this fact made us even more closer. Lia's mother is an even more impressive lady; now I know where she gets that smile and strength from. I believe her blessings had helped us through, but it didn't complete everything just yet.
The problem then was my parents'.
The thing about my parents is that they want the best for their kids (well which parents don't by the way?) and sometimes they could go quite far in announcing the quality of girls I should befriend with. I was quite surrounded with clouds of negative thoughts when I was about to introduce Lia to the family (read: my parents; my brother doesn't seem to bother much, although sometimes he's worst in analyzing the people I was with), for I fear that, well, in case that my parents won't approve her or anything. It had happened a few times before for a number of reasons to a number of my exes, and I certainly didn't want it to happen again. After a series of careful calculations of potential risks and balance, I took the lead in introducing Lia to the family on the fourth day of Eid Fitr, and prepared for the worst. Will my parents ever gave us their blessings?
My parents ended up loving her to no end.
We are complete.
* * *
|While scribbling on work while having coffee with her|
In short, this year, although I had to go through a lot of disappointments and free-falls, has been wonderful so far that I must say that in the end everything was worth the blood and sweat. I am very thankful and grateful with what I have now and with more coming my way, I am very much happy and looking forward for more successes in real life than that of digital. I have a lot of things to complete by the end of this year and I anticipate to be quite busy in the coming months. There are more worthy opponents to face in the coming days and more obstacles to go through with, and I'll be focusing onto these sets of problems, for these things will determine my future and not anything else.
I expect some rather saucy responses from none other than our well-celebrated groups of self-proclaimed judges who neither have sound degree in law nor ever served before the bar of court on this particular issues. In a community, there will always be this kind of people who get way too deep into other's business. Psychologically speaking, there are explanations why these people behave the way they did, and the reasons are way too grim to even be discussed here in the open. It would be far better for us to pray the best for them, although most likely it will probably never happen. At my age, I worry less about what people say about me, but I worry much if my works are not up to standards, for the latter pays me money, the former doesn't.
I am now in progress with my doctorate in UTP. In five years time I aim for an early associate professorship, a professional engineer status and to graduate in time, as well as progressing in SIFE, UNICEF, Energy Commission researches, businesses and other side projects that I am currently working on. By luck and by Allah's blessings, I hope to achieve them all within the planned course. Hope that you readers can pray for my successes, even with a simple wish of good luck, and for that I thank you very much in advance.
So I guess that's about it so far. I wrote all the above at around 2am in the morning with a very tired mind, so my apologies should you find any intolerable error whatsoever in the writing. Also I will try my best to find time to update this little blog of mine again in the future, and I hope we'll meet again in time.
Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin.