Friday, November 30, 2012

What's In My Engineering Toolbox?

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  1. A water/chemical proof  polyvinyl-made upper body cover - In case if I need to do works in heavy acid rain or in some toxic sewer columns behind some people's backyard. 
  2. Tall Wellington safety boot - Waterproof and resistant to most chemicals, equipped with a metal cap and mid sole plate to protect against falling objects and punctures. Worn for the heavy walking drab-drab-drab-thud effects. 
  3. The leather-made tall 'Caterpillar' safety boot - The expensive version of the Wellington safety boot. Sends a crybaby to maturity in one dashing kick. 
  4. Powdered rubber glove - Resistant to most chemicals. Works greatly in anonymously stealing food from colleague's lunchbox without leaving any trace whatsoever. May serve as a party balloon resembling a mutated cow's tit. 
  5. Welding-grade leather glove - Protective when dealing with hot mediums. Provides the Hulk-hand effect when worn. Durable enough for interdepartment boxing competition. 
  6. (Not shown in picture) Me - without me, all of these will be useless. 
  7. Cotton glove - Ordinary glove for various types of work from gardening to warmth containment. Not recommended for winter protection.  
  8. Safety belt - Comes with a hook-and-rope for fall or slip protection when working at elevated work areas. Can also be used against crime by means of swing-and-bash method.
  9. Safety helmet - Protects the head from falling objects, rain and sun. Doesn't work with falling cement truck. Can be used as a drinking mug under extreme condition. A common sight at the rear dashboard of homecoming engineering interns. 
  10. Laboratory coat - Must be worn in laboratory for protection against chemicals although proven to be ultimately useless against concentrated acids. A photography prop for engineering freshmen. 
  11. Toolbox - Used to store tools. And food. 
  12. Medium particulate respirator - works against small particles up to 500 micrometer in diameter. Replicates an A-cup bra when placed in pair next to next for practical joke purposes.
  13. Microscopic particulate respirator - Protects against even smaller airborne particles. Comes in blue color. Makes you stand out among others with common white respirators. 
  14. Medical-grade respirator - Not even sure if this can evade any biological threats. Can be torn into a thousand pieces if worn during a sneezing-spree morning. 
  15. A magnetic compass - A necessary gadget to avoid being lost in unfamiliar lands. Comes with a small magnifier that can be used with sun ray to create an inferno attack to small and helpless insects. 
  16. Ordinary goggle - common goggle to protect the eyes from flying shrapnel, flyash and dust. A sporty-looking feature makes it a daily wear. 
  17. High temperature goggle - Worn when dealing with high temperature mediums. Leaves the eyes all bright, shiny and fresh while the entire face gets burnt out.
  18. Laser-grade goggle - For when operating laser equipment. Protects the eyes against incoming concentrated ionized light particles. Works as an ordinary sunglasses.
  19. Chemical goggle - The standard issue freshmen goggle for the use in chemical laboratories. Also a common photography prop. 
  20. High-grade chemical goggle - Works against concentrated acids and heavy metals. Eyes will remain in natural state even when other regions of the face are decorated with acid-caused holes and changed in color. 
  21. Caution tape - Useful to keep some curious by-passers from entering a certain work perimeter. Does not work with the extremely curious. Also useful to protect food items and personal belonging from being stolen by labeling it as dangerous material.
  22. Sampling bottle - For material sampling purposes. Can be used to secretly store assorted candies and gums from colleague's knowledge. 
  23. Nose protection stub - Good against any smell while working with awful material. Still gives you the disgusting idea that you will breathing using your mouth next. 
  24. Miniature surgeon-grade cutting tool - Extremely sharp. Can be used to remove facial hair minutes before an important meeting. Not to be used against co-worker in arguments. 
  25. Measuring tape - 16 meter long. Used to measure length, height, depth, angular elevation etc. A makeshift cutting tool. Sharp edges can be used to cut soft tropical fruits and most vegetables.
  26. Interchangeable head mini screwdriver - Useful in loosening and tightening small straight-and-Phillips head screws. An important tool to scratch a certain localized itchy region around the head. 
  27. Ear protection muffles - Pinch and plug into the ears to protect from sound pollution commonly from noisy equipment, fighting co-workers and nagging soul mate.
  28. Month/Day/Week counter - A rotating chart to calculate number of weeks and days from one single checkpoint for project planning. Also useful to predict the menstruation milestone of female co-workers for damage control and disaster evasion planning. 
  29. Torch light - LED torch light that comes with a hand crank that charges the battery at every rotation. Can be pretended as a laser gun to shoot disfavored people from far away. 
  30. Metal hammer - Comes with a Phillips-and-straight head screwdriver. Useful to open biscuit tin container cap or check the working condition of a co-worker's knee. Can be used to scratch hard-to-reach region. 
  31. Assorted mini tools - All packed in a pocket manager. Lose one of the part and there goes all happiness. 

p/s: No. 6 was made up because someone made a mistake in numbering the items and made another mistake for not making a check for error. But still I am equally important. Hiks.

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